Some Bonds Can be Forgotten
by KayBeth13
Summary: The world is safe once again, only for HYDRA to make itself known once more. Only this time, Steve and Beth have to face a threat who turns out to be the hardest, most complicated one yet. Worse, that threat doesn't even remember them...Part 3 of the 'Some Bonds' series.
1. Sam Wilson

_So here we are! Story 3! Please make sure to read story 1 and 2 in the Some Bonds series, or you WILL be lost._

 _Finally, TWS, which means only one thing- Bucky's return! For those of you who've been with me since the start, I love you and you can finally be happy that Bucky is going to return._

Enjoy!

 _ **March 31st 2014, Washington D.C**_

It wasn't the first time in the months since transferring to D.C that Beth considered pushing her brother into the water as he ran past her yet again on their morning route. Hell, it wasn't even the hundredth time, but as always, she simply grit her teeth and continued at her own pace. She prided herself on the fact she was faster than most people but despite Zola's own serum swimming in her veins, Steve was still the more durable one. and packed the hardest punch. She was still the better shot and far more flexible than him, though, and she could happily live with that. When she found herself stopping to catch her breath an hour later, all she heard was a chuckle as he sped by without breaking a sweat.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." She muttered as she watched him disappear round the corner.

Deciding she'd had enough of running, she dropped herself on a bench, watching lazily as a man wearing a grey tracksuit started jogging leisurely down the same route as she and Steve took. As he too vanished from view, she found herself thinking over the past months since returning to SHIELD, from the various missions she'd undertaken alongside Steve, to the incident in London a while ago involving Thor and everybody's favourite wannabe king, Loki. Even now, she was glad to have been away on a different mission at that time; as far as she was concerned, once a lifetime was enough to see the black-haired god that made her skin crawl and blood boil after the way he mocked Coulson as the agent lay dying. Thankfully, none of her friends had been hurt from the incident and the world had somewhat gone back to normal again, with Thor now living with Jane and adapting to life on Earth. The last email she'd received from Erik had left Beth crying with laughter as the scientist explained that Thor was learning to drive. Apparently, the entire city of London feared for its life whenever he got behind the wheel.

Beth was startled out of her musing when she heard a voice nearby, one she didn't know. She instinctively reached for the knife she kept strapped to her ankle, only to relax when her mind caught up and realised her brother had passed the man she'd spotted a while ago and he'd obviously said something to make the guy respond. With a sigh, her hand drew back from her ankle and she settled back to watch as he appeared again, Steve darting by a second later. The third time, she couldn't help but laugh at the guy's outcry.

"Don't you say it!"

"On your left."

"COME ON!"

Shaking her head in amusement as he gave up the chase and slumped against a tree the next time he rounded into sight, Beth stood and slowly walked over to him in time to see Steve pull him up off the floor. The man's dark eyes swept over her.

"Let me guess, you just took a left too?"

She chuckled, instantly liking the man whose playful nature reminded her of simpler times. It was nice for someone new to not be ogling at the pair of them.

"Nah, I'll leave that for Steve."

The trio grinned at each other and Beth extended her hand out.

"Beth Rogers."

He took her hand, grin still in place.

"I had an inkling you might be. Sam Wilson."

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she excused herself to take the call, leaving the two men to continue their talk.

"Hey Nat, something wrong?" she asked, knowing the redhead preferred to text and only called when she had no other choice.

"No. I just wanted you to know we have a mission and I'm en-route to pick Steve up. The car's only a two seater, so Rumlow's behind me with the van."

She wanted to groan at the mention of the man acting as joint second-in-command with her. A year may have passed since they started working together, but she still just couldn't bring herself to like him. He was too Alpha male, the arrogance one that made her want to punch him, not the arrogance of people like Clint and Tony that just made her roll her eyes fondly.

"Why can't I ride with you?" she asked, voice pleading.

"Because it's funny watching Rumlow drool all over you."

"I hate you"

The call disconnected and Beth looked up from her phone to see Steve scribbling something down in the notebook that had become as famous as he himself around SHIELD. It was bought as a joke from Beth to keep track of things when so many pop culture references soared over his head, but now, he never left home without it and every night, he would pick something to tick off the list. So far, she knew he wasn't a fan of a large portion of music he'd listened to, but had discovered a love for the Carry On film series and she'd spotted him reading Harry Potter only two nights ago, so he clearly had a liking for them too. Where he'd found it overwhelming at first, Beth had helped ease him into the 21st century. Initially, by declaring his apartment a 40s only zone, so that when it was too much, he could have somewhere to ground himself. At first, she would spend every evening filling him in on the history from the 1940s as well as the music, food and all the advances they made. Eventually, they made it through to the 1960s before Steve decided he was ready to find out everything for himself. After teaching him how to use the internet, Beth had stepped back, respecting his wishes, but she didn't fail to notice that his apartment remained unchanged and every now and then, she would still find him sitting in front of the radio, playing music from their childhood with an expression she could only describe as lost on his face. it was once she knew and understood intimately.

She couldn't blame her brother's choice, her own apartment containing all the modern appliances and décor until you stepped into her bedroom that was decorated exactly as her room growing up was. Her own little place to remind her of who she used to be. It was the only place she allowed herself to be vulnerable on the days her own emotions threatened to consume her. Those times were very few and far between, but when they did hit, she was grateful that she had that place she could escape to and know she could let it all out and feel safe.

"You hear about the mission?"

Steve's voice broke her from her thoughts and she smiled up at him.

"Yeah. Nat's picking you up. I'm with Rumlow."

Steve fought a smirk as her face crinkled in disgust as she mentioned their comrade. He didn't quite understand why his sister had a dislike for the agent, but as long as her feelings didn't get in the way of them performing their jobs properly, he wasn't going to address it. As he said goodbye to Sam and watched her climb into the seat next to Rumlow, he just hoped that her instinctive wariness of the agent didn't turn out to be something he should have taken more seriously.

…

 _ **Later that day, somewhere in the Indian Ocean**_

After a ride next to Brock that had Beth clenching her teeth and fists numerous times, the STRIKE team was bundled into a plane, making their way to the Lemurian Star to rescue the hostages. The whole situation left Beth feeling uneasy, not helped by the fact Natasha was clearly hiding something from them all. More than once, Beth had attempted to catch the redhead's eye, only to be ignored. If there weren't more pressing matters at hand, she would have pushed until Nat finally told her, but she had a job to do. Like see who their hostages were. Her face creased in confusion as Jasper Sitwell's face appeared on the screen. ' _What's he doing in the middle of the ocean?'_ she mused, as Steve verbalised a similar thought beside her.

"Alright, I'm gonna sweep the deck and find Batroc. Nat, you kill the engines and wait for instructions. Rumlow, you find the hostages, get them to the life pods and get them out. Beth, I want you with the pods, provide extra cover."

Beth nodded, grateful he hadn't paired her with Rumlow, who even now was casting her a look that had her on edge. As the team rallied to gear up, Beth couldn't help but grin as Nat began quizzing her brother on his love life, the grin widening as Steve cast her a pleading look. He abruptly dropped out of the plane sans chute and Nat turned on Beth.

"What about you? You thinking about getting out there yet?" she asked, raising her voice so she could be heard over the roar of the engines.

"Huh? Can't hear you, sorry!" Beth yelled back as she jumped out after her brother, also sans parachute, leaving the rest of the team gaping after the pair of them.

With a huff, Nat reached for her own chute. She wasn't one for sentiment, but she did care a lot for Beth and wanted the woman to be happy. Sure, she was a lot happier with her brother back, but the assassin wanted to see her friend settle down someday with her own family, the same way Clint had. Deep down, she knew Beth would never move on from Bucky, but she wasn't giving up just yet. She floated down to a steady halt next to Beth, her lips set in a firm line.

"You're a liar. I know you heard me. How about Brock? He seems to have a thing for you."

Steve glanced at his sister on the heel of Nat's words, seeing her eyes flash in anger as she brushed past her friend.

"I appreciate the concern Nat, but back off. As for Rumlow, he can take a long walk off a short plank as far as I'm concerned."

Nat sighed as the blonde walked away from them to her post, but though she was angry, Steve didn't fail to miss his sister's hand unconsciously reach up to hold on to the chain round her neck, caressing the metal of Bucky's dog tags and her engagement ring. He gave Nat a sidelong look as she began walking beside him, realising the assassin was genuinely concerned for Beth. It made him want to smile, but he knew his baby sister would never be ready to move on from Bucky. Steve wasn't usually one who believed in the soulmate theory, preferring to believe that you could have a number of them so that you could have a chance to find at least one in your life, but with Bucky and Beth, there would have never been any other person for either of them.

"What about the nurse that lives across the hall from you?" Nat asked, breaking the silence.

Beth could hear their interactions over the comm in her ear, smirking as Steve unsuccessfully tried to brush the redhead off. She fingered her chain, her eyes softening as Bucky's face came to her mind. Had he been here with her at that moment, she knew he'd be as teasing as Nat, adding his own suggestions of people Steve should date. The thought made her smile. She realised that was happening more and more lately. Before Steve was found under the ice, every day was a struggle for her, laced with some moments of fun and laughter, but mostly a haze of pain, anger and depression. Now, she felt as though she could breathe again, even if after two years, there were still some nights she found herself walking to Steve's apartment next to her own to either hover in her brother's doorway or climb in the bed with him, just to reaffirm she still wasn't dreaming. Before, she could barely think of Bucky without being almost crippled by the memory of watching him fall down that ravine, but now, the majority of memories and thoughts creeping up were ones laced with happiness, reminding her of the joy he brought to her life.

"Beth, we're heading out to you."

Shaking her head of her musings and berating herself for letting her mind drift when on a mission of all places, she was surprised to find she'd already been in place fifteen minutes. Brock came into view seconds later, Jasper Sitwell at the front of the group being led her way. The agent greeted her with a brief nod before jumping into one of the pods waiting for them. Once they were all loaded, Beth spoke into the comms.

"Captives loaded and ready Steve."

"Let one of the others take them. I'm looking for Batroc ad could do with some assistance."

She spoke her affirmative, one of the other members of the team already heading to the boat on Rumlow's orders. She thanked the agent before jogging towards the direction she'd last seen Steve. She heard rather than saw him, the sounds of a fight coming from one of the control rooms. Cautiously, she made her way over, Bucky's rifle in her hands as she entered to find Steve gripping Nat's arm, glaring down at her. Beth opened her mouth to speak when the man on the floor rose, shoving her aside as he threw an explosive towards Steve and Nat. The Rogers siblings moved like lightning, Steve wrapping an arm round Nat as they jumped for safety, Beth racing after the fugitive whilst avoiding flying debris. A swift kick to his knees had the man tumbling, three of the STRIKE team piling on top of him within seconds.

"You hurt?" she asked as Steve came out of the room to stand next to her.

"Only my feelings. You?"

She shook her head, confirming she was fine. It was then she noticed Nat come out of the room, a few scratches on her neck the only sign she'd been damaged in the explosion. The assassin's green eyes met her own and though Beth could tell Steve was beyond furious with the other woman, she couldn't stop herself from speaking to her friend.

"You good?"

Nat gave a jerky nod, sending a cautious glance at Steve, who simply brushed past her to follow the rest of the team to the awaiting plane.

"Okay, what did you do?" Beth demanded.

Seeing the blonde wasn't about to let her drop it now the mission was officially over, Nat folded her arms with a shrug.

"He's pissed because I didn't tell him that I had a separate mission to the rest of you."

Beth sucked in a breath.

"Yeah, that would explain it. He hates people who hide things from him."

She punched the redhead in the shoulder, successfully making Nat rub at the skin with a pained look.

"That's for not telling me either." Beth added, following her brother onto the plane. Nat exhaled before following, making sure to give the siblings a wide berth as she took a seat towards the front.

Beth found Steve in his usual seat right at the tail end of the plane, glowering at the wall. She dropped in the space next to him, nudging his arm with her shoulder.

"You shouldn't be too mad at her you know. She doesn't have the same sense of morality as we do."

He snorted in annoyance.

"Really? Because I'm starting to wander how the hell you're even friends with someone like that."

The accusation in his tone had Beth frowning. Even before he became Captain America, he'd been someone difficult to anger, but a nightmare to calm once he did snap. She had to admit though that it was a new thing for him to imply she had lost some of her morality, the ONE thing she'd fought to hold on to during her captivity with HYDRA. She tilted her head back to rest against the cool metal behind her, closing her eyes to soothe the headache she could feel building. She knew from experience that it was easier to just let him seethe. The other alternative of sparring with him until he exhausted his anger wasn't exactly an option in a cramped metal box, thousands of feet in the air.

She wasn't sure when she fell asleep, but she was woken by a gentle shaking of her shoulder. Blinking her eyes, she realised she was laying down, her head nestled in a folded up jacket in Steve's lap.

"You looked uncomfortable." he explained, seeing the unasked question in her gaze as she sat up.

"Oh."

She stood and began to stretch, her back making a satisfying click as her spine realigned itself. Next to her, Steve was reaching for his bag before he stopped and turned to face her, eyes solemn.

"I'm sorry about last night. I was angry and had no right taking it out on you."

She shrugged.

"You're damned right you had no right to, but it's cool. Just do me a favour and don't ever try to insinuate that I'm not a moral person again. That was a low blow."

She wrapped her arms round his waist, resting her head against his chest as he held her closer to him, his cheek resting against her hair. It amazed him still that she was so quick to forgive him, one aspect of her personality that hadn't changed since she was a child. They parted, the air cleared between them as Beth smirked and fondly called him a punk. Even now, only she and Bucky could get away with calling him it. Tony had attempted to once, but after nursing a broken nose for three days following, he'd refrained from trying again and nobody else was stupid enough to follow suit.

Steve was called by Rumlow, his face turning serious as the STRIKE team commander informed him he had been summoned by Fury for a debriefing. With a wave and a promise that she'd head straight home, Beth watched as he vanished down the ramp. Barely a second passed when Rumlow's shadow loomed over her. Suppressing a sigh, she gave him a fleeting look before returning to her bag, shoving her uniform jacket into it, followed by her rifle.

"Can I help you Brock?" she asked.

"I was just wandering if you'd like to go for a few celebratory drinks after a job well done?"

She hoisted the bag onto her shoulder, throwing him a look of barely disguised irritation.

"Have you forgotten the last time you tried to ask me to drink with you? what I said then still stands now. If you try it again, I promise you won't like the response."

Something flickered in the depths of his ebony eyes, causing her to take a cautious step away from him. All her senses came to life, something about his aura twisting her stomach. It was a look that once more reminded her of her main torturer at the hands of HYDRA, though Rumlow still insisted he was in no way related. The look vanished so fast, she'd have been tempted to believe she imagined it, until he smiled. A shudder ran up her spine, the smile razor sharp and cold as ice, his eyes stony.

"Your wish. My command."

He bowed low, mockingly and Beth grit her teeth as she left the plane, desperate to get back to the safety of her apartment. She didn't see the way his face contorted, shadows of rage turning him from a man many would consider handsome into that of a monster.

"Nobody says no to me. Mark my words Rogers."


	2. Painful Encounters

_Hey all, back again! Thank you Ebrithme for your review- it's great to see you again! This one's for you!_

 _ **April 1st, 2014, Washington D.C.**_

"I have an idea, let's visit the Captain America exhibit."

Steve looked at his sister as if she'd grown a second head.

"Right. and have everyone swarming us demanding autographs and photos. No thanks."

Beth pouted, feeling restless and playful. A combination Steve knew all too well meant trouble.

"Come on! We can go disguised and have a laugh at all the things they got wrong! Plus, the nostalgia, think of the memories."

He didn't want to. He remembered enough, and didn't want to face yet more of them. Sensing his reluctance, Beth smiled reassuringly.

"You know, it'll be hard for me too. But I think in a way it'll be cleansing. Please?"

An hour later, they were standing in front of the Bucky Barnes display, Beth's gaze glued to the video clip of Steve and Bucky laughing her heart squeezing so hard she thought it would explode, Steve's gaze focused on the still image, the pain of seeing Bucky's laughing face almost too much to bear. When Beth's hand slid into his own, he held it tightly, moving his body slightly so no passer-by would question her tears as she silently cried next to him. Eventually, she managed to compose herself. Of course there was going to be a Bucky memorial there. She just hadn't expected there to be _video_ footage. She hadn't even known there was footage of him in existence. Mentally, she made a note to contact the museum in the near future for a copy of the clip. It wasn't much, but it was something to add to her collection of memories.

They swiftly moved on to the movie room, Steve aware people were starting to give them strange looks as they lingered slightly too long at the Bucky exhibit. Once there, they were greeted with a video of Peggy, talking of her time spent working alongside the great Captain America. Beth couldn't resist a snigger as her friend stumbled over calling Steve by his real name instead of Captain Rogers and by the time the film ended, she felt lighter, her heart finally recovered from seeing Bucky.

"I want to see her".

She didn't have to ask Steve who he meant. Smiling, she nodded.

"I'm sure she'll want to see you too."

It wasn't the first time they'd been to see Peggy together, Steve having gathered his courage to finally go a few months earlier, but he had been reluctant to go back after seeing for himself how advanced her dementia was. It broke Beth to see her friend's gradual decline until all she had left were fleeting moments of clarity mixed in a haze of confusion, but for Steve, it had been like a bullet to his heart.

They were lucky, today a day she was fairly lucid, enough to greet the pair with a warm smile as they entered her room. Beth spoke for a short while, before excusing herself as always to allow her brother time with the woman he still loved. When she returned, Peggy was in tears as she marveled Steve being alive. The doctors called it an episode. Beth and Peggy's family preferred to call it a reset. Once they settled their friend again, they said their goodbyes and as Beth leaned down to kiss Peggy's cheek, the other woman took her hand.

"So, Beth, it turns out I was right all those years ago after all."

Beth halted, a glint in the elderly woman's eye she knew all too well. Considering the fact she was with Steve, she knew exactly what was about to be said. Peggy, for her part, simply ignored the begging look her friend gave her, pretending not to see the way she shook her head pleadingly.

"I told you there was a reason for you to keep living."

Numbly, Beth nodded before shuffling out of the room after her brother. She tried to avoid meeting his gaze as she softly closed the door, but his hand gently grasping her chin had other ideas. Her eyes flickered up, a lump forming in her throat to see him gaze intensely at her; a mixture of worry, sadness and anger darkening them to a shade she'd never before witnessed. She squirmed and attempted to back away, only for his grip to tighten, bolting her in place. It wouldn't have been too hard to throw him off, but that part of her, the Beth that remembered the scrawny guy she'd once been taller than, decided to rear her head and prayed for her to tell him. Sighing, she reached up to rest her palm on top of his hand.

"Please tell me you didn't..you wouldn't.."

She wished she could say no, tell him he'd jumped to the wrong conclusion, but she could never do that to him. Instead, she took a deep breath and nodded.

"It took me until the 1960s, but yes, I did."

He sagged, his hands clenching to fists as they rested on her shoulders. He was shaking, every muscle locked so tight, she was concerned they'd snap.

"I want to know." He spoke, his voice sounding as though he'd swallowed sandpaper.

She nodded, blinking back tears as she led him outside to sit on a bench facing the home. He didn't release her, and she didn't try to make him.

"I was on vacation, visiting Morita. It was actually going really well… until that morning."

...

 _ **March 10th 1967. James Morita's house, Fresno, California.**_

 _From the moment she woke up, Beth didn't feel right. There was a bubbling pit of rage and pain in her stomach and she didn't know why, but it made her feel positively hostile towards everyone and everything. Even seeing Morita's seven-year-old son Ronald quietly sitting at the breakfast table constructing a jigsaw puzzle failed to make her smile when normally she'd be there with a hug and kiss as she helped him. She left him to his own devices as she stepped out into the warm Californian air, the temperature not quite high enough to stop her shivering when the wind blew. She gripped her coffee mug tighter, rifling through her thoughts to explain why she felt so_ wrong _that morning. It wasn't the anniversary of anything. As for birthdays-_

 _The coffee mug dropped harmlessly onto the grass, closely followed by Beth herself as her knees failed to support her._

 _It was March 10th._

 _Bucky's birthday was March 10_ _th_ _._

 _Today, he should have been celebrating turning 50._

 _Visions of the life she was supposed to have swam through her mind and she couldn't clamp a lid on them in time for them to overwhelm her. By now, they would have been close to celebrating their 25_ _th_ _wedding anniversary. Knowing Bucky, he'd have used all the money from the Howling Commandos to live his dream of buying a house in Ditmas Park, and they would have filled it with children and dogs. She could picture it now; their eldest in his 20s, as tall and broad as Bucky with his mother's soft features, his arms wrapped round his very pregnant wife; a sharp thinking teenage girl with her father's looks arguing with her witty younger sister who took after her uncle; a miniature version of Bucky around 5 years old running around after their cocker spaniel puppy and giggling like a madman and finally; the toddler being held in Bucky's arms, a tiny, frail thing that looked so like her mother, yet with her father's carefree spirit and uncle's inner strength. Bucky would be smiling, their faithful red setter standing vigil at his side, too old to play anymore but still protective of his master. Beth could clearly see Bucky's eyes shining with love and adoration as he scooped his wife into his free arm to place a kiss on her lips, Beth wrapping her arms round him to lay her head contentedly on his shoulder as they watched their children, their legacy, enjoy the freedom they'd fought so hard for. In the background stood Steve, his arms linked with Peggy, their own children intermingling with their cousins. The whole day would have been full of laughter, joy, and enough noise to wake a neighbourhood. It would have been perfect._

 _Choking back a cry as image after image continued to bombard her, she took a few deep, steadying breaths. The images finally stopped and with it, so did her tears. She picked herself up off the floor and brushed the dirt from her clothing when the switch flipped off in her mind. As oif on autopilot, she numbly began walking to the shed at the end of the garden, unaware of the pair of bright green eyes watching her. When she pulled a handgun out of her waistband before shutting the door behind her, the owner of those eyes jumped down from his perch and ran to his father, who he found in the living room. Ronald Morita barely registered the two visitors sitting on the sofa as he flung himself at his father, even though he would normally have flung himself at them instead._

" _Papa! Something's wrong with Auntie Beth! She dropped her coffee and fell to the floor then went into the shed with a gun!"_

 _Morita's eyes widened at his son's words and he looked up to see his guests, Peggy and Dum Dum, already up and running. Calmly, he crouched down to ruffle his son's hair._

" _Thank you, son. You did a brilliant thing, but I really need you to stay here for a while, okay?"_

 _As his son nodded solemnly, Morita darted after his friends in time to see Dum Dum about to kick in the door to the shed, his face as red as the paint on the door. Before the large foot hand chance to connect, Morita's arm was there, pushing his leg back down._

" _Don't. If we barge in, she's more likely to shoot. Also, if you trash my shed, I'll trash your moustache." the half-Japanese man threatened._

 _Grumbling, Dum Dum lowered his leg and Morita moved forward to speak through the wood to Beth._

" _Beth, let us in."_

 _When silence responded, he sighed before reaching under a stone and pulling out a rusted key. The door clicked as it opened and they peered in cautiously. Peggy was the first to react when she saw their friend sat in the corner, shivering violently as she propped her gun under her chin. There was no expression on her face. The lights were on, but nobody was home._

" _Hey kid, come on now, put the gun down." Dum Dum spoke, his tone pleading._

 _There was no reaction from the woman and the trio shared terrified glances with each other, unsure of what they should do. Tentatively, Morita stepped forwards, but quickly stepped back when the finger on the trigger tightened._

" _Okay, okay. I'm not coming closer, I promise."_

 _The finger didn't relax and he turned to his friends with a desperate look._

" _What is going on?" he mouthed._

 _The pair shrugged, as confused as he himself was as they watched Beth. Their minds whirred in a similar fashion to Beth, trying to figure the cause of the young woman's actions. It was Peggy who realised first, hitting herself on the forehead with her palm. As the two men sent her questioning glances, she ushered them outside, not wanting her words to be what caused Beth to finish pulling the trigger._

" _It's Bucky's birthday. I remember last year, she said he would be 50 this year."_

 _Understanding and a deeper sense of panicked urgency flashed across both men's faces._

" _Oh shit. So, what do we do? Clearly, she's reached the point where she's decided she can't do it anymore." Dum Dum responded._

 _A determined look flashed across Peggy's face, the spark in her eyes one the pair had often seen, especially in times everyone else had given up._

" _We give her something to live for."_

 _Ignoring the confusion from the two men, she strode back to the shed and crouched down in front of Beth. The finger on the trigger twitched, but she didn't react as she had with Morita and Peggy took that as a positive sign._

" _Ronald was the one who saw you come in here and told us about the gun. How will he feel knowing this is what you came in here to do?" she asked, her voice gentle despite the severity of the words._

 _No reply, but something flickered in the Blonde's gaze. Sighing, Peggy settled for a different strategy._

" _Do you really think Bucky would be happy with you or even forgive you if you do this?"_

 _The flicker came again, this time stronger and echoing with anger._

" _He would want you to have a party, celebrate his fiftieth for him, not kill yourself."_

 _There was a whisper, and had she been further away, Peggy would have missed the words that came from Beth's mouth._

" _I've tried. Every year I do it, but it only gets worse. I can't do it any longer."_

 _As quick as a flash, Peggy's hand landed on Beth's knee. The action forced the younger woman's eyes to snap to the brunette's, though the gaze remained blank._

" _Yes you can. You have so much yet to live for and so much more to give to the world."_

 _The blankness began to fade, but until the gun was lowered, Peggy wasn't about to stop._

" _What's the point when I have no reason to do it and nothing to live for?" she asked, voice growing less detached with every syllable._

 _Peggy's eyes softened as she reached up to cup Beth's cheek._

" _Yes you do. Not only do you have us, but I am going to need your help more than ever in about 6 months. What do you think Bucky would say if he knew you'd done this right as I need you around to help me teach my husband how to raise a child?"_

 _Had she been looking, the shocked expressions on Dum Dum and Morita's faces would have made Peggy laugh, but her eyes were firmly locked on Beth. After a few more seconds of silence, there was one slow blink. Another._

" _You're 45."_

 _A cross between a laugh and a sob escaped Peggy's lips as Beth's face scrunched in comprehension of the information, her gaze growing clearer with each second. She was coming back._

" _I am, which is even more reason I need you. If something happens, I need you to look after this baby for me. I want you to be his or her godmother."_

 _With a shaking hand, Peggy reached out and took the gun from Beth. Where she expected resistance, the weapon slid easily from the blonde's grasp. Within seconds, the gun was in Morita's hand being disassembled and Beth was cradled in Peggy's arms, body heaving with heart-wrenching sobs as the older woman rocked her._

…

Steve look at Beth in horror. She'd come so close to breaking.

"I didn't break though. I'm still here and not going anywhere." She spoke, knowing his thoughts as if they were her own.

she didn't hesitate when he opened his arms, stepping into his embrace as he held her close. his head buried in her hair and she knew, he was thanking Peggy for helping her choosing to live.

At that moment, so was she.


	3. The Start of Confusion

_**April 1st, 2014. Washington, D.C**_

Beth followed quietly behind Steve as they traipsed up to their apartment, lost in her thoughts as she recalled Peggy's words. yes, her friend had truly been right; she WAS glad to still be alive, even though there was still the Bucky-sized hole she knew she'd never fill. But, at least now, she could finally take that serum and live her life with her brother. She just needed to remember that once she took the serum to return to normal, she would have to stop doing things such as jumping from planes with no parachute anymore. Do that without her abilities, and she'd be dead. Thankfully, she knew her strength may leave, but her skill would not, so she knew she would have no real issues re-adjusting to being the same strength as those around her. Hell, even Clint might fight her again once he could actually have a chance at winning.

Above her, she heard the sound of their neighbour's voice speaking to Steve. Deliberately, she leaned on the banister, smiling as her brother invited the woman round for coffee. It wasn't until Kate mentioned the stereo being on that Beth shot to attention and hurried up the stairs, casting the other woman a brief smile as the nurse headed down to the laundry room.

Steve entered the apartment first, reaching for his shield the second he opened the door and Beth followed closely behind, the handgun she never left home without in her hand ready to fire. Neither relaxed until they spotted Nick Fury sitting in the darkness, but even then, as Steve's shoulders eased, Beth didn't loosen up. if anything, she could immediately tell there was something seriously wrong, causing her to reach for the light Steve switched on at the same moment as Nick himself reached to turn off the lamp beside him. one look at his face had her moving towards him for a second look, but a sharp glance from him stopped her dead.

"My wife, she kicked me out,"

Beth knew full well he wasn't in any relationship, let alone married, Nick's statement dialling her senses up to a million. As he revealed the fact SHIELD was compromised, she started a sweep of the room, also looking outside to make sure they were alone.

She almost missed the shadow on the roof, calling out a millisecond too late as gunshots filled the apartment, straight into Fury.

"Nick!" she called as he crashed to the floor.

Steve helped to pull Fury to safety and as he sprung to his feet when their door kicked open, Beth was already at work, searching for the worst injuries on the man she'd eventually trusted as a friend. Surprise wasn't exactly the word she would have used when Kate of all people revealed herself as a SHIELD agent, but she was too preoccupied to think what she felt.

"I have this, go help Captain Rogers." Kate ordered.

Not wanting to follow the order or leave her friend, Beth hesitated. It was only when Fury's eye glinted in a way that told her to do as she was told that she picked herself up and took a slightly different route to Steve. Where he'd simply flung himself into the building opposite, she simply dropped the four floors down to the ground and took the lower level pursuit. Eventually, the guy would have to leave the roof, and she would be there to continue on from Steve when he did.

Eventually, a noise from above had her glancing up to see the shooter drop down to the alley next to her. She didn't hesitate to follow, unaware that Steve had already lost sight of them both. All she cared about was taking the guy down and finding out who he worked for. It was clear he (she could tell immediately from the size it was not a female) believed he would outrun her, his body language betraying his shock as she easily kept pace with him. Realising there was something different about him, Beth reached for one of the tiny disks Nat always made her carry and threw one at him. He grunted, dropping briefly to one knee as the shock coursed through his body and she took the opportunity to kick him to the ground.

It was then she realised she knew exactly who she was looking at. From the metal arm, to the cold, dead eyes, it could only be one person. The ghost himself. The Winter Soldier.

"Who sent you!?" she demanded, rage flooding through her veins as her mind finally caught up and revealed who he was.

Her slight hesitation as recognition flooded across her face was all he'd needed. A light, brighter than she could tolerate, was suddenly thrust in her face. She cried out, dropping to her knees as she fought to shield her eyes, but it was too late. By the time her vision corrected itself, he was long gone.

"Damn it!" she screamed, turning to punch a wall beside her.

…

Steve was wild eyed when she burst into the theatre viewing room, relief flooding through his features as he took stock of her and saw she was unharmed.

"He got away. used a light grenade on me." she growled before anyone had chance to ask her.

"It's not your fault." she heard Nat say from behind her, making her jump.

She hadn't even noticed her friend standing there, but it was unsurprising she was there. Nick had taken her in and shown her trust when anyone else would've had her killed. Not many people had Nat's trust, but the director was certainly one of them.

"Tell me about the shooter."

Beth didn't have chance to say who it was, before Steve was already speaking. As Maria added her part about the ammunition, Nat cast a questioning glance at Beth, who nodded.

"Yeah, it was him."

Ignoring her brother's searching gaze, Beth watched with a clenched jaw as alarms began to scream in the theatre, the monitors showing Nick was going into crisis. Every instinct was screaming at her to get in there and do something to help, but she knew from what she could see that she would be as useless to him as the surgeons already operating. All she could do was watch as helplessly as the others when the doctors began to halt their movements and eventually, declared Nick Fury dead.


	4. SHIELD's Betrayal

_**April 2**_ _ **nd**_ _ **2014, SHIELD HQ, Washington, D.C**_

 _Hey all, I will be doing two updates this week, because the next chapter is one that takes place on the 17th December, so it's only fitting to give you guys an early Christmas present and upload two chapters this week. Enjoy!_

Beth rode back to the triskelion with Steve in silence, her hand holding his as she drew comfort from him and fought against the turmoil inside her. He stared out the window, his mind whirring between sadness and anger over Fury's death. Sure, he and Fury weren't exactly best buddies, but he did respect the man and he had taken care of Beth after he took over as SHIELD director, something the captain would always be grateful for. When the car finally stopped, the door on Beth's side opened and Rumlow held his hand out to her. She took it and he helped her down, though as always, she felt a shiver of discomfort run through her from his touch.

"You okay?" he asked her.

She nodded before stepping away from him, missing the dark glint that briefly flashed in his eyes as he took in her retreating form. He watched as she exchanged a few words with her brother, mentioning that she was heading to the gym. ' _Good, she'll be easier to apprehend there'_ he thought to himself as she reached up to hug the captain before heading out of the parking lot. He shared a look with one of his men and the other agent nodded, following after her to wait for the signal to capture her. Pierce had made it very clear that no matter the outcome of his meeting with Steve, she was to be detained to use as leverage. He was broken from his thoughts as Steve turned to ask him where he was to go.

"Follow me, I'll show you."

…..

Almost an hour had passed and the punching bag in front of Beth was beginning to look the worse for wear. She may not have Steve's level of strength, but thanks to Zola, she had more than enough strength for her last kick to hit the weakest point of the bag, splitting the material. Sand began pouring to the floor and though she knew she'd be billed for the replacement, she a felt deep sense of satisfaction seeing the grains form a pile on the ground. With a huff, she wiped her sweaty forehead and bent over, catching her breath as she reached for her water bottle. As with Steve, every time she hit the bag, memories of her time as a Howling Commando would flash in her mind. Often, she became so wrapped up in the memories, she would forget to breathe. More than once she'd actually passed out and would wake up either on the floor of the gym or in her bed on the rare occasions Steve found her. She snorted in amusement at the memory of the first time he saw her on the floor; the poor man thought someone had attacked her and when she revealed what had actually happened, he looked torn between strangling her and hugging her. Thankfully, he'd eventually settled for hugging.

A noise from behind stopped the bottle in her hand halfway to her mouth and she instinctively reached to the back of her waistband for her gun. The doors to the gym were heavy and made a lot of noise. For someone to come in without them doing so meant only one thing; she wasn't supposed to know they were there. Slowly, she flicked the safety off and waited for the footsteps to draw closer. She feigned drinking and the moment she heard the feet stop behind her, she threw the bottle, splashing water in the face of one of the men on her team. Surprise and betrayal flooded through her, but she shut her mind down, shooting him in the chest and focusing instead on the fact that three others had come in.

"What the hell!?" she shouted out to them.

As she hoped, her exclamation made them pause and she took the opportunity to take out two of them before they could react. When the last one raised his rifle, she darted for cover and the bullets bounced off the boxing ring. Waiting for a pause in the volley, she jumped up and fired two more shots. When she heard the sound of a body drop to the floor, she risked a glance and saw they were all dead. She wasn't stupid; she knew more would be coming for her and she had to move fast. She raced over to the window and pried it open. Glancing down, she swallowed nervously. It wasn't the largest drop she'd faced, but it was still bigger than she was ideally comfortable with.

A crash from above had her looking up and her heart shot into her mouth as she watched Steve fly through the air towards the glass atrium below. Behind her, the doors slammed open and she had no time to worry about Steve as she was too preoccupied with dropping on to the ledge in time to avoid the hail of bullets aiming at her head. For the life of her, she couldn't understand what was happening, but she had no time to contemplate it further. She raced to the far end of the ledge, desperately looking for a place to land without killing herself. She was about to give up hope and just jump anywhere when she spotted a row of small trees three floors below. Taking a deep breath, she launched herself into the air and a heartbeat later, landed in the foliage. The wind whooshed out of her and numerous branches pierced and scratched her skin. She let out a pained gasp, trying to catch her breath as she struggled to detangle herself. Eventually, she was free and the second her feet touched hard ground, she started running, not caring that she was receiving various looks of surprise and offers of help. She knew she'd be followed soon enough and she needed to put as much distance between herself and SHIELD as possible. She ducked into an alleyway and paused to pull her cell phone out of her pocket. She scrolled through it and was about to call Rumlow before she remembered the attackers were on her team, and he was most likely the one giving the orders.

"God damn you Brock" she growled.

Gritting her teeth, she threw the phone into a dumpster, aware they could track her through it, and took off jogging once more. She'd barely reached the sidewalk when one of SHIELDs vans pulled up in front of her, Rumlow behind the wheel. Twisting, she turned to run in another direction, only to let out a pained scream as she crashed to the floor, a SHIELD Taser attached to her leg, set to a level high enough to nuke a rhino with. As black spots flitted across her vision, she thrashed on the ground, clawing at her leg to remove the probes specially designed to embed deep in the skin. It was to no avail. She could only watch helplessly as Brock exited the vehicle and made his way over to her. Before he could touch her, a shot rang out making him duck for cover, dropping the Taser. The volts stopped and Beth let out a sob of relief, finally able to pull the electrodes out. She wanted to let her body shut down, but stubbornness and the desperation to escape had her pushing up off the floor to stumble away from the man she'd once considered a teammate.

"Guess my instincts about you were right. You really are a bastard" she said shakily, her body still trembling from the Taser.

Rumlow's flashed angrily and stepped towards her again, stopped only by another shot ringing out. A black motorcycle screeched to a halt in front of Beth and the visor flipped up to reveal a very pissed off Natasha Romanoff. Though the look wasn't aimed at her, Beth still felt a shudder run through her. Then again, she mused, it could have just been more aftershocks from being electrocuted.

"Get on" the other agent said, her voice controlled in a way that told Beth she was struggling not to kill Rumlow.

Beth swung her leg over the bike, the pair peeling off down the street before any backup could arrive. Once sure they were a safe distance away, Natasha stopped and pulled her helmet off to face Beth, who was still pale and shaking.

"What was that about?" she asked the blonde woman.

"I have no clue. All I know is that my team were trying to kill me and I saw Steve plummet from what must have been a twenty floor drop. If I had to guess, I'd say it links to Fury."

Natasha frowned and when she spoke, her voice was thoughtful.

"Guilt by association probably. That or you were to be used to lure out Steve as he was also attacked by Rumlow earlier."

Beth had a feeling the other woman was right, and knowing her brother was also a target didn't make her feel any better.

"We need to find Steve."

Natasha raised an eyebrow as she took in the dishevelled state of her friend. It was only then that Beth became aware of the wounds still bleeding all over her, even more pronounced by the fact her clothing left her arms and legs bare.

"Not looking like that you're not. Here, take the bike and get yourself cleaned up. I'll call once I have Steve"

Before Beth could say she no longer had a phone, the redhead was holding one out to her, a knowing smirk on her face. Beth took the device and slid onto the bike, taking the helmet Natasha held out to her.

"See you soon. Be careful" Natasha said, and for a brief second, genuine concern flashed across her face.

Beth nodded and made her way to the apartment she had before she'd temporarily moved into with Steve. Relief flooded through her to see no agents there, but she knew it wouldn't be long before they were. She quickly slipped in and grabbed an outfit from the closet as well as her Johnson rifle, the familiar weight in her grasp providing some comfort. No way was she leaving it behind again. She took two handguns as a precaution and made her way out of the building via the fire escape. Just as she predicted, two SHIELD vans pulled up as she rode away.

She didn't stop again until she was in the outskirts of the city and certain she hadn't been followed. She used a gas station toilet to dress the puncture wounds on her leg as well as the various cuts from landing in the tree. Once satisfied she wouldn't scare people away or draw attention to herself with the blood, she changed into dark skinny jeans and plain black top, throwing on a pair of old converse and a hooded sweater. She pulled her hair into a braid and tucked it into the back of the sweater before pulling the hood up over her head. She finished the look with a pair of dark rimmed glasses, marvelling at how something so simple could alter her appearance so much. As she left the restroom, the phone in her pocket bleeped and she read the message to find only an address. It took less than five minutes to arrive there and she sighed in relief to see Natasha and Steve standing next to a blue truck. Abandoning the bike at the side of the road, she made her way over to them, Natasha's face impassive, Steve's drawn tight with worry. The moment his eyes fell on her, he flew towards her, engulfing her in his arms. She happily leaned into him, some of the tension she'd been unconsciously holding since she witnessed him falling earlier easing away.

"What happened?" Steve asked as he took in her appearance and noticed her limp as she made her way to the car.

"I had an incident with a tree and got Tased by Rumlow" she shrugged.

Fighting the urge to make her stay and hide, Steve slid into the driver's seat and once they were all settled, they made their way to New Jersey. A few minutes into the drive, Steve suddenly sat up and looked over his shoulder at Beth, who gave him a questioning glance.

"A tree?"

Beth couldn't help it. Seeing the look of perplexity on her brother's face sent her into peals of laughter. When she finally calmed, he was staring at her once more, this time more solemn.

"Nat said you'd had a couple of run-ins with the Winter Soldier. One of them involved Howard and Maria didn't it?"

She couldn't help but glare at her friend, one of the biggest secrets she'd had now knowledge to her brother.

"Yeah. I've had two encounters with him."


	5. A Not-So-Merry Christmas

_**December 17**_ _ **th**_ _ **1991\. Long Island, New York**_

"Howard, we should really be getting home."

Howard turned to face his wife with his usual charming smile in place. It still made butterflies stir in her stomach, like a schoolgirl's crush. After almost 25 years of marriage, she'd figured out how to ignore it long enough to make him listen, though It usually involved gaining the help of the young blonde woman standing next to them, watching their interaction with an amused smile on her face.

"It's still early yet." He pouted, hating the thought of leaving before night had even fallen.

"Beth, a little help here?" Maria Stark asked over her shoulder.

Chuckling, Beth made her way to them, the hem of her dress sweeping along the floor. She'd been invited to the Stark annual Christmas ball and as he did very year, Howard had made sure she was there. As always, she'd initially refused, until Howard bought her a beautiful ball gown that she knew she'd never be able to afford and she would go purely so his money wasn't wasted. He didn't mind the expense, glad to see that at least one day a year, she could be selfishly indulgent. As she moved to stand next to him, he raised his hands in mock surrender.

"Okay ladies, you've both made your point."

Giggling, Maria linked arms with Beth and as he watched them walk toward the exit, he couldn't help but think how lucky he was to have a wife as understanding as Maria and a friend as strong as Beth. Not a day went by that he regretted making her Tony's godmother. He didn't think anyone else would be able to handle the cocky twenty-one-year-old once he was no longer there to pull his son in line. it seemed every year, he became more and more argumentative and self-indulgent, and Howard was starting to run out of ideas to knock it on the head.

They exited the building and Howard immediately wrapped his arms round Maria, knowing that her Californian blood hated the cold of upstate New York. Beth stood beside them as they waited for their cars, allowing herself a rare moment of peace. She felt a smile tug at her lips as Maria laughed at something Howard whispered in her ear. If someone told her twenty years ago that the quiet, introverted Maria would still be married to the outgoing Howard she would have laughed, but here they were, and she'd never seen them so happy. She was aware they were having difficulties with Tony, but right there in that moment, they were the most content she'd ever seen them together.

The moment ended within minutes of arriving home. As Tony and Howard argued yet again, Beth sighed and rolled her eyes, barely refraining from swinging one of the heavy suitcases in her hand at the young man's head.

"And why are you leaving her in charge anyway?" Tony asked, pointing at Beth.

Beth wasted no time in turning to face the younger Stark, the look on her face one Tony knew would result in either a verbal or physical slap from the blonde woman.

"Because, Anthony, you have yet to show any type of behaviour other than the self-absorbed, manipulative immature behaviour you've previously shown and until you do, you will never be trusted to run things on your own. A good man once said to me that you can be the world's richest man and yet without showing any kindness or love, both you and that wealth would amount to nothing."

Tony scoffed, rolling his eyes as he folded his arms, his entire posture of someone who simply couldn't care less.

"Let me guess, that 'good man' was your brother? Oh wait, maybe that other guy, what was his name? Buddy? Bucky? Whatever. where did love and kindness get them, huh? Oh yeah, one is an icicle somewhere in the ocean and the other took a bungee jump into a ravine and forgot the cord. I'll stick with money thanks."

She was so stunned; she couldn't even open her mouth in shock. Even Tony seemed to realise he'd gone too far when it was Maria who reacted first, her small palm connecting with his cheek in a sharp, loud smack.

"How dare you. After everything she's done for us and for you, how dare you say something like that!"

She raised her hand to strike her son again when Beth's own hand reached out for her arm, a sad smile on her face.

"It's okay. he's angry and for some reason he's chosen me as his punch bag. He can think what he likes about Steve and Bucky. I know the truth and that's all that matters."

As Maria lowered her arm, Beth exited with the last two bags. The moment the door clicked shut behind her, she heard the sound of raised voices once more. her heart hurt so much at the venomous words Tony had spoken. All that time she'd defended him, only for him to finally turn on her. Her hand drifted to stroke Bucky's dog tags, the familiar clinking of metal a comfort to her as she sucked back the tears pooling in her eyes. She refused to give him the satisfaction.

"I'm sorry about that."

Beth shrugged as she turned to face Howard. The older man looked drawn, as if he'd aged a decade since the night before and for the first time, she wanted to grasp Tony and beat some sense in to him; make him see what he was doing to his parents. shaking her head of the thought, she indicated to the small briefcase in Howard's hand. That was the real reason she was there. She wasn't aware exactly of the contents, but she knew the case contained something that Howard said had to be protected with his life. Tony thought his parents were going on holiday, but she knew the truth, that they were actually meeting with the president of the UN to present him with the contents of the case. He'd asked her to accompany them to the plane as their guard, and UN troops would greet them the other end.

Maria had joined them by the time Howard placed the case in the car, shaking her head when Howard asked if Tony would be coming to wave them off. With a sigh, the elderly man unlocked the car and slid in after checking Beth was ready.

"I'll be directly behind you. Pull over if you think there's anything wrong, okay?"

"I will. Be careful Beth."

Her lips were a grim line as she pulled out of the garage, following closely behind as they made their way through the back end of nowhere to the private hangar Howard had bought specifically for this one trip. Belatedly, she realised she was still wearing her outfit from the ball, but it was too late to change into anything more appropriate. She just hoped the feeling that something was going to happen was simply that.

In front of her, she could see Howard driving with one arm wrapped round his wife, her head resting on her shoulder. Beth ignored the pang in her heart at the sight, the feeling so familiar it was a part of her, and focused on driving, knowing there was probably ice on the road. As they drove further into nowhere, her stomach was clenching tighter with foreboding, and she was proven right when a motorbike pulled up beside her, forcing her car off the road a second later. Trusting her instincts, she managed to grab her handgun and fling herself out of the car before it soared over the edge, into a drop that nobody could survive. She didn't pause before she was up on her feet, running forwards as she heard a loud smash ahead. Cursing her clothing, she kicked off her heels and broke into a sprint, following the smoke that had begun bellowing into the air above. She was so focused on reaching Howard and Maria that she almost missed the unmistakable sound of gunfire, ducking at the last second behind a tree as her reflexes kicked in before her brain had a chance to. Blindly, she fired back, only leaving her hiding place when a moment passed with no further shots. Scooping the material of her dress in her arms, she continued on until she ground to a halt a short way from the burning and charred remains of what she only knew was a car because she'd been following it only moments earlier.

"Howard! Maria!" she called, not caring if their attacker was still around.

No response. Choking from the smoke and the effort not to sob, she stumbled closer, glass and metal slicing the skin of her feet to leave a bloody trail behind her. the same motorbike that had slammed into her was parked behind the car, telling her whoever was responsible was no doubt still around. Cold fingers clamped the gun in her hand tighter as she finally reached the vehicle.

"Oh god." She choked out at the sight of one of her closest friends laying against the steering wheel, unmoving.

She didn't have to look to know that Maria was also gone, but she did so anyway, having to fight not to vomit as Maria's eyes, glassy with death, stared blankly in front of her. Beth barely had time to take a breath when there was the sound of glass crunching behind her. She spun round, gun raised, only to find something cold and hard wrap round her throat, a hand pressing a knife against the skin. The gun dropped to the ground and she almost bit out a curse as she heard him kick it under the car.

"You really don't want to do that." She said as she tried to wriggle free.

The pressure on her neck tightened and she let out a choking sound. From the height and feel, she gaged her attacker was male with at least a 60-pound advantage over her, but she didn't let it phase her. reaching up, she took hold of the arm, intending to throw him off using her strength, but he didn't budge. Even as she threw her entire force behind the move, he only shifted to tighten even further on her throat. Through the fuzziness as the oxygen began to leave her, she realised that he must be another of Zola's test subjects. Clearly though, they'd had more success with this one than they had with her.

"You're…from HYDRA, aren't you?" she gasped.

The grip lessened and she gulped in air, attempting once more to overpower him. as quickly as he seemed to falter, he recovered, the crushing weight on her airways once more. this time, she felt her head start to spin, certain she was about to die. In the deep recess of her mind, she remembered a tip from Peggy Carter way back when she first began to train her. ' _If you're in a headlock, let them think you've passed out, then strike.'_ Following her friend's advice, Beth let her body go slack and she found herself being dropped unceremoniously to the ground. It took everything not to make a noise as he crouched down to check her breathing. Only when he was close enough did she move, using all her strength to send her fist into his face. the glasses he wore made a satisfying crunch and he stumbled back, giving her enough time to race behind the car and look for her pistol, but not quite enough time to completely avoid the knife flying her way. The blade slid across her shoulder, peeling the skin apart as if it was melted butter and she bit back a gasp as pain bloomed from the wound. She attempted to crouch down for her weapon when her legs slipped on the material of her dress and caused her to stumble clumsily. Gun forgotten, she picked up a large piece of glass beside her and ignoring the jagged edge slicing into her hand, used it to rip the bottom off her dress. It was a clumsy job that did as much damage to her legs as her dress, but in five seconds, the skirt was now to mid-thigh and her legs were finally free to move. Beth grasped the glass more tightly as she heard his heavy footsteps approach once more.

Her eyes widened in shock as she took in his appearance, her whole body growing taut with alertness. He was wearing a completely black outfit; even his face was covered in a black mask. She realised the metal thing round her neck was actually his arm and that realisation almost floored her.

 _His weight on her, HYDRA agents leering and jeering as he forced her pants down. The agony as he forced himself inside her, unable to fight back as she was tied down. The cold, emotionless motions as she cried out with every thrust, begging him to stop._

The man in front of her cocked his head as she fought against her instincts that screamed at her to maim him in any way possible. That day, his face had been completely covered. Today, she had been sure he was wearing no mask as she caught the glimpse of his reflection in her mirror, yet now, he was wearing one. Only his eyes were visible, a pair of deep, rich blue orbs glaring darkly at her. In those eyes, she saw her death. She wasn't afraid though. She knew as their eyes collided that he too had seen his own death staring back at him.

"Stay back, or I will kill you" she threatened, moving to stand protectively in front of the trunk of the car where the briefcase her friends had died to protect lay.

His gaze fell to the glass in her hand, her blood trickling thickly down her arm as she grasped on to it. For a moment she thought she saw amusement flash in his expression, but it was quickly replaced with the cool stare of an assassin about to make his hit. She let out a gasp as he stepped towards her once more and raised her hand to stab him, but his metal arm shot out and grabbed her wrist, forcing her to drop the blade. She couldn't help the small whimper as his flesh hand grasped her throat, pulling her closer to him and her eyes closed as she accepted that for the first time in fifty years, the serum flowing through her veins had failed. _She_ had failed, and she was about to die.

"Вы не моя цель, мышка _*You are not the target, little mouse*_ " he spoke, his voice as flat and toneless as his expression.

He let her go and she dropped to the floor, coughing as she sucked air into her lungs. She looked up, expecting him to attack again, only to find she was alone and facing an open and very empty car trunk, a motorbike engine fading into the distance. Shivering as the cold began to seep into her skin, she stood and wrapped her arms round herself. Where had he gone so quickly? And what had he said to her? She knew whatever it was had been said in Russian, but her understanding was basic. All she'd understood were the words 'you' and 'target'. Considering she wasn't dead, she assumed it meant she wasn't his target, but she wasn't taking any chances.

Shivering so hard from the adrenaline her teeth were chattering, she moved once more to the car, desperately hoping to find some small miracle that had spared the lives of Howard and Maria Stark. She peered into the driver's side and choked back a sob as Howard's lifeless eyes stared directly at her. This time, she found herself unable to hold down the contents of her stomach, the heaving so violent, she was forced to the ground. Tears ran freely down her face as she broke openly for the first time in thirty years, the salty drops mixing with the blood and vomit on the gravelled road.

Her head snapped up as a noise sounded in the distance, but the trauma and shock had finally hit her and quickly overwhelmed her, rendering her unable to react. Seconds later, a car pulled to a halt beside her, a concerned voice calling out.

"What in the world happened here? Oh my…ma'am you're bleeding!"

She wanted to open her mouth and tell the man to keep driving to the nearest phone and call SHIELD director Nick Fury so that she could compose herself to start tracking their attacker. Instead, her mouth fell open and she fell to the ground as her body finally shut down. She woke the next day in hospital, a stone faced Nick Fury sat next to her bed. After relaying what had happened and being told the attacker had escaped without a trace, the director, in a rare act of kindness, reached out to squeeze her shoulder as she once more dissolved into deep, heart-wrenching sobs.

The funeral took place two days before Christmas and thousands flocked the streets to pay their respects to Howard and Maria Stark. Beth sat next to Tony through the whole ceremony and while he remained silent throughout it, his hand was clamped tightly on hers as if she was the only thing keeping him grounded. Only close friends were allowed to the cemetery and as the small group watched the coffins lower into the ground, Tony's hand finally released her own. She looked over at the young man and saw a steely resolve in him that she recognised all too well, having seen it in her own eyes many times. Reaching out, she placed a hand on his shoulder, only to have it shrugged off.

"One day, I'll find whoever did this and kill him."

"Tony, no. Revenge is not the way forward."

He turned his brown eyes to her and for a moment, it was Howard staring back at her.

"Well, I take it I can't rely on you for support then. Good to know you were only on my side while they were around to pay you for it."

The urge to slap him was almost overwhelming, but Beth clenched her fists and forced herself to relax, reminding herself that hurting others was how he coped with his own hurt. She turned a saddened gaze to him, disappointed that he clearly hadn't taken in anything she or his parents had taught him over the years.

"If that's how you feel, then I feel truly sorry for you. I didn't say I wasn't on your side, and I never will. I was only saying that it is better to get justice than revenge and I am more than happy to help you achieve that. I am and always will be your godmother and when you decide to grow up and accept my help, then you know where to find me. I always have, and always will love you Anthony."

Her words made him glare harder at her and without another word, he turned and walked away, not caring that fresh tears were rolling down her face or that her words had hit home in more ways than one. He was angry, and he needed to get away. Beth watched him go sadly, knowing that it would be a long time, if ever, that she saw him again. She turned her gaze back to the freshly filled graves of her two close friends.

"I'm sorry you guys, I tried. I promise, even if he hates me for the rest of his life, I will always watch over him."

It was her last vow to the person who'd found where she was being held captive and helped free her all those years ago, and the woman who'd reminded Beth that sometimes it was kindness that won the battle.

She would not fail them again.


	6. Desert Ambush

_**August 26**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2009. Near Odessa, Iran**_

Beth was cursing both the heat and Clint Barton as she sat in the passenger seat next to Natasha. She wasn't even supposed to be there, but the man she considered one of her best friends had gone and contracted the flu from his son, rendering him unable to do the mission. A phlegm-riddled call from Clint later and Beth was on her way to SHIELD HQ, grumbling under her breath about her inability to get sick. After the now-legendary Budapest incident, Beth was the only other agent willing to work with Natasha, and at that moment, she hated herself for it. In the seat behind them, the engineer they were escorting also seemed to be struggling with the scorching temperature, his hands reaching up to dab away the sweat collecting on his brow. Beth was getting ever closer to the moment of saying screw the mission so they could get the hell out of the country and Natasha's hands gripping tighter on the wheel with each degree the temperature soared told her the other woman was feeling the same. When their eyes met, reflecting each other's discomfort, they flashed matching grins.

"Just two more days" Beth muttered.

Natasha snorted.

"You know, the more you think about it, the more you'll feel the heat." The Russian commented dryly, lips still quirked in the sultry way Beth both hated and envied.

Beth rolled her eyes and sat back further in her chair, blowing out a frustrated breath. All it did was send more warmth her way and she immediately regretted the action.

"Have I ever said that I really hot countries?"

Whatever reply Natasha was about to say was lost to the explosion. Beth was thrown forward, colliding heavily with the windshield. She let out a groan as she felt the glass crack beneath her and managed to push herself off the dash just as the glass shattered, leaving a gaping hole in its wake. She dropped into her seat, twisting round to make sure their cargo was okay. His wild eyes stared back at her from where he was curled up in the corner. She let out a sigh of relief to see that he was dazed, but otherwise unharmed before looking back over at Nat. Her partner was cursing, a gash on her head bleeding into her eyes and blocking her view. Beth looked out, opening her mouth to yell a warning when another explosion wracked the vehicle. The car gave a loud groan and Beth cried out as they plummeted over the cliff face she'd tried to warn Natasha about. The car landed on its roof, ejecting Beth from her chair once more before it impacted with a bone-shattering force. A number of bones in Beth's leg snapped as she was brutally slammed to the floor, black spots blinding her as she bit back a scream. The pain lasted only that brief second, before she was distracted by the man they were protecting crying out. Her head twisted round with effort in time to watch Natasha pulling him from the car, the assassin's right arm hanging limply down her side. Gritting her teeth, Beth out all her weight on her good leg and pulled herself free from the wreckage. As she shakily wobbled to her one good leg, she heard Natasha curse.

"What the Hell?" Natasha growled.

Beth followed the red head's gaze and almost fainted. It was _him_ , the one that killed two of her closest friends before leaving Beth shivering at the side of the road that same freezing December night. Her breath hitched and she found herself frozen in place as he moved closer to Natasha, his steps slow and deliberate. As he drew to striking distance, Beth stepped forward, only to hit the floor with a pained yelp as she unintentionally stepped onto her shattered leg.

"Beth!" Natasha called out.

"I'm fine!" she called back as she tried to push through the pain and stand up again.

Natasha bit back another curse as she glimpsed the metal arm of the man about to reach her. She'd heard the rumours about him; the assassin with the metal arm, the Winter Soldier, but until now, she'd believed him to be a ghost. Clearly, ghost stories were sometimes true. Unable to fight due to her own injuries and holding up the scientist, Natasha could only raise her gun and place their ward behind her. The soldier simply walked up to her and without even pausing, wrenched the gun from her arm and placed it against her stomach.

"No!" Beth cried out as the bullet shot straight through the Russian woman's flesh.

Both she and the engineer fell to the floor. Beth couldn't tell if they were dead or not but from her previous run-in with the soldier, she didn't hold out much hope. The soldier turned to her, a pair of goggles covering his eyes, rendering her unable to get a read on him. Not that it mattered; she could pretty much predict his eyes would read death if she did see them. She scrambled away as he stood straighter, angling his body in her direction. Briefly, she wandered if he remembered her from their last meeting. Despite the distance between them, Beth heard him mutter something before crying out, clutching his head. At first, Beth thought he'd been shot or attacked by Natasha, but a glance down told her the other agent was still very much down. Confusion increasing when she heard her name leave his lips, she reached into her belt for a smoke grenade, using his collapse to her own advantage. She was fully aware that he probably would kill her this time, not striking her as the type to let a witness walk away twice. She flung it as close to him as she could, acrid black smoke bursting from the shell a microsecond later.

Relying on the serum running through her veins, she bit down on her lip to distract herself from the excruciating agony from her leg as she began running towards a small outcrop of rocks in the near distance. She managed to hide seconds before the smoke cleared, but she knew it wouldn't take the soldier long to figure out where she hid; after all, it was the only place within any close proximity she could have possibly reached.

The soldier straightened from his couch, angry and confused from the images in his mind. They were of the woman he'd just laid eyes on, only she seemed to be wearing makeup, her hair up in tight curls framing her face. he didn't understand; she was just a woman who he had a vague recollection of from a previous mission. He remembered; he let her go that time. why, he couldn't say. This time, however, she couldn't be permitted to live. Say a story once, it is easily dismissible. Twice, and people start to stand up straight and listen. He could not allow himself be compromised. The soldier raised his head and pulled his glasses off to see the area more clearly. She was injured, unable to travel far, so she had to be close enough to easily find. He zoned in on the section of rocks nearby, knowing immediately that she was among them. All he had to do was flush her from her spot. Officially, she wasn't a target, but he knew his handlers would be pleased to find he'd eliminated a potential threat to them and maybe, they would let him have a day or two longer from the cryofreeze before putting him back. Maybe, just for once, he would be allowed to eat a meal and have a hot shower. He didn't even remember when he'd last eaten a decent meal, or even if he ever _had,_ but he wanted one now. That was what fuelled him as he descended on the outcrop of rust red stone.

Beth held her breath, rifle in hand as she heard him come closer. His steps were light, too light to determine his exact distance, so she had to settle for watching out for his shadow. It fell into her sight before she expected it to, causing her muscles to tense so tightly, she feared they would snap. It took conscious effort to loosen her joints enough to ready her rifle, scooping up a handful of sand to rub along the barrel and prevent the sunlight glaring off the metal. The shadow grew larger and as his body entered her peripheries, she stopped breathing all together, praying her pounding heart wouldn't give her away.

She could have cried when a piercing whistle sounded across the vast desert, the soldier's head twisting in the direction of it. she heard him let out a growl when it sounded a second time. his shadow vanished from sight, but she wasn't naïve enough to check that he was leaving. Instead, she readied herself to turn and manoeuvre her body the other direction, only to freeze, her heart in her mouth when she was greeted by his masked face. at such close proximity to him, almost every instinct screamed for her to attack him or run. All apart from the one miniscule instinct that was weeping and crying out for her to embrace him. Shaken by that feeling, she found herself simply staring at him dumbfounded, her finger never straying from the trigger in case he attacked and wishing that he would remove the mask. A yearning she hadn't felt in years rose to the surface in a violent crash that threatened to knock her over as he continued staring at her, making her fight to keep her hands from reaching up to unveil his face. Something deep inside was telling her this man was important, and not an enemy, but she just couldn't believe it; he had just shot one of her only friends, after all.

A few silent seconds passed when another whistle sounded, this time longer and more piercing than the last. It made Beth drop down to cover her ears as she fought not to add her own scream to the noise. When she raised her head once more, the soldier was no longer as close to her.

"Я думаю, что твой хозяин зовет вас * _I think your master is calling you*_ " she said to him, recalling the same sound the last time they'd met.

His face was covered but the stiffness in his body on the heels of her words told her he hadn't expected her to speak to him in Russian. _Yes, Buddy, you aren't the only one with the_ surprises, she thought to herself, glad she'd spent two years learning the language from Natasha. She also had an inkling he was glaring at her, judging by the face his hand had moved to hover over one of the knives strapped to his belt. Almost immediately after, he changed his mind and began to walk away, pausing only to look back at her one last time.

"в следующий раз, мышка, я убью тебя _*Next time, little mouse, I will kill you*_ "

The threat sent a shiver of fear up her spine, accompanied by anger at the insult of being called a mouse by him for the second time. She contemplated shooting him as he walked away from her, only, the thought of Natasha lying in the sand stopped her. Instead, she waited until she heard the sounds of a vehicle pulling away and only after she was sure the coast was clear did she emerge from her hiding place. It took a while to reach Natasha and the engineer they were transporting and immediately she could see the male was dead, the shot ripping through Natasha's stomach into his femoral artery. He'd probably bled to death within seconds of hitting the ground. She turned her focus to her friend, feeling for a heartbeat. It took a while, but she eventually found a heartbeat, fluttering as gently as a butterfly's wings and terrifying Beth. She couldn't lose another friend and used her skills to stem the bleeding. When the extraction team arrived, it was to find an unconscious Beth slumped over Nat, her body protecting the wound from the sand as her hand continued applying pressure, the bleeding completely stopped, saving the agents life.

Three days later, Natasha woke up cursing up a storm. A chuckle from beside her made her snap her attention to the woman sitting with her casted leg propped up on the end of the bed. She glared at the grin on the blonde's face, resulting in the grin growing broader.

"What happened to you?" Nat asked, pointing at the leg.

"Multiple fractures. I think the doc said ten or eleven, I can't remember. Give it a week or so and I'll be up and running. They said you should be fully healed in about four weeks, though I would recommend you rethink any stomach-baring clothing choices. That scar's gnarly."

Despite the teasing tone, Natasha didn't fail to notice the relief shining in the blue eyes that saw too much, but she ignored it, flipping her finger up at the other female.

"Glad to see you too sunshine" Beth joked.

Natasha rolled her eyes before sending her a tiny, genuine smile of affection. Beth returned it with a nod and the pair fell into a comfortable silence, waiting for the inevitable ass chewing they were about to face from Fury when he found out the agents were both finally awake.


	7. Voices of the Past

_Hi guys,_

 _I am SO sorry for not updating. Between a masters degree, new job, writing a novel, running a campaign for Dungeons and Dragons and in the past week breaking my hand, I've just not had time to sit and write. However, with the recent injury, I am off uni for the next 11 weeks, so I am hoping to get at least 5-10 chapters ready in that time._

 _So, here is the latest update, loaded with my apologies and love, and I hope you haven't given up on me yet! Thank you so much to those who have reviewed so far, especially MidnightPenguin, Metallic Shimmer and blue-lily295- you guys are awesome :)_

 _..._

 _ **April 2nd, 2014, New Jersey**_

As Beth finished her tales, she fell silent, her gaze unable to meet Steve's own as he peered worriedly at her through the rearview mirror. He knew full well that she'd been through hell, but to see one of her closest friends die, not just in that gruesome way, but by the hands of the same man who'd raped her? He couldn't even fathom it. He glanced over at Natasha, the red head's expression vacant as her hand rubbed against the spot on her stomach he knew was scarred from the Winter Soldier's bullet. The remainder of the journey was silent, each occupant of the car lost in their own thoughts. By the time they pulled in to the base, Steve and Beth exited the car with looks of nostalgia on their faces. Natasha watched the pair, standing back for a while as she sensed this emotional for them. For Steve, it was the memories of his basic training, struggling to do any of the activities whilst developing a friendship with Peggy. For Beth, it was the memories of training to be a medic and reuniting with Steve after being away from him for three months.

As the trio made their way round the base, Natasha swept the area with her phone, sensing nothing out of the ordinary until Steve pointed out the army regulations for storing ammunition and that there was a building out of place. Beth followed them into the old bunker and as her eyes landed on Howard's portrait, she found herself blinking back tears. ' _I'm sorry',_ she whispered in her mind as she always did whenever she saw his picture or went to his grave. Even though she knew there was nothing she could have done to save her friend and his wife, she still felt some guilt and she would never be able to truly forgive herself for not reacting to the gunshots sooner.

"How come you didn't mention this place?" Steve asked Beth, seeing the pain in her eyes as she stared at Howard's face.

His voice broke her from her thoughts and she shook her head.

"I didn't know. I was held by HYDRA for almost six years, so they must have already moved from here when they rescued me. SHIELD headquarters was over in DC when I joined them."

Steve immediately felt guilty for bringing back the memories, but she flashed him a smile to let him know she was okay and he breathed a sigh of relief. They continued moving through the room until Steve stopped in front of one of the bookcases.

"If you're already working in a secret office," he said before grasping the metal and pulling it open. "Why do you need to hide the elevator?"

Natasha and Beth shared a look before following him into the contraption that surprisingly still worked. They made their way into the room and the lights came on to reveal electronics that were decades old and covered in dust.

"This can't be the data point; this technology is ancient." Natasha joked until she looked down and saw the very modern USB port in front of her.

The moment the drive was in place, the room came alive and Beth drew out one of her guns. She watched Natasha input something in the computer but missed what she said to Steve. The screen came alive, revealing a face. As it spoke Steve and Natasha's names, Beth had an urge to vomit and as the camera pointed to her, she started feeling light headed.

"Ah, my dear sweet Elizabeth Rogers, born 1921"

No one failed to hear the glee in his tone and Steve glanced over at his sister, unsurprised to see she had turned ghostly white, her skin clammy. Instinct had him reaching his hand out to her and she clasped it as if it was the only thing keeping her breathing. what he failed to notice was her eyes fading out as she sank into memories long suppressed.

 _/Flashback/_

" _Turn up the voltage."_

 _Screams tore through her throat, ripping the lining of her windpipe until the sound became wet with her blood, but the pain didn't stop. The shocks continued, only stopping when she began to black out from the sheer agony._

" _Enough now."_

 _That voice. How she hated the sound and the man it belonged to. If only he would draw close enough for the hand she'd managed to free to rip off his balls and shove them into his throat as he screamed. After,_ _ **he'd**_ _be the one strapped to this chair, the voltage low enough to cause pain, but not enough to kill him. No, she wanted him to suffer as she had. It would only be after killing every other godforsaken person in this place and taken her time to torture both the sick bastard who'd raped her and the man who'd mentally tormented her for years that she'd return to turn the machine onto full and leave the scientist to fry._

 _Zola wasn't a mind reader by any stretch, but he saw the darkness swimming in her gaze, could read her body like a finely tuned instrument and saw death in every part of her. Wisely, he stepped back, pushin the injector into one of his subordinate's hand and nudging him forward. The syringe went in okay, but before the plunger could be pushed, the man let out a gurgled cry before falling limp. as he crumpled to the floor, Beth pulled her hand back, ignoring the blood staining her nails, and began working on the other straps holding her down as the other scientists looked on in horror._

 _Not Zola though. Her eyes never straying from his, like a wild animal locked onto its prey. His own smile never left his face. It wasn't until she lunged at him that he moved, simply to press a button next to him. With a gasp, Beth fell to the floor, her body locked in paralysis._

" _My dear, sweet Elizabeth. Did you really think it would be that easy to kill me?" he asked, voice sickly sweet as he reached out a clammy hand to stroke down her face._

" _No, you are here until you learn that you are mine." he continued._

 _Unable to react, she could only stare as he walked over to the machine and turned the dial up further. White hot agony seared through her, cutting off her breathing. Helpless, she could only gag, silent screams forcing more blood into her lungs. She was drowning at the same time as suffocating. The world began to fade to black, tears leaking down her cheeks as she knew it would only be a temporary reprieve._

 _/End Flashback/_

"It's some kind of recording" Natasha's voice commented, oblivious to Beth's reaction.

Beth snapped back to the present with a jerk, causing Steve to squeeze her hand harder.

"I am not a recording fraulein. I may not be the man I was when the captain took me prisoner in 1945 but I am alive."

Steve stared in disbelief at the picture of Arnim Zola in front of him.

"You know him?" Natasha asked, noticing for the first time how scared Beth looked, the usually unflappable woman's expression unsettling the assassin.

"Arnim Zola was a German scientist who worked for the Red Skull. He's been dead for years."

"He is the reason Bucky died and I'm still alive." Beth added, fear towards the man evident in her voice.

Natasha turned to fully look at the blonde woman and though she'd seen her mildly afraid in the past, this was the first time she'd seen her look terrified. Without saying a word as Steve released his sister to walk around, she reached a hand out and placed it on the small of her back. Beth relaxed slightly at the touch, though tiny shudders continued running through her as Zola continued speaking.

"First correction. I am Swiss. Second, look around you. I have never been more alive. In 1972 I received a terminal diagnosis. Science could not save my body. My mind, however, that was worth saving. On 200,000 feet of data banks. You are standing in my brain."

"How did you get here?" Steve asked as he returned to stand on the other side of Beth.

"Invited."

Beside them, Natasha mentioned an operation where scientists were recruited by SHIELD. As Zola continued speaking, Beth faded into her own thoughts. Alongside the shock of seeing Zola came the anger, building with every syllable he uttered until she finally burst with an enraged cry, raising her gun and shooting the screen at the same time as Steve punched it. The bullet narrowly missed hitting him and he spun to look at her, surprise on his face.

"I see your temper hasn't changed my little pet. I did so miss you after you escaped." Zola mocked as he came back on another screen.

Beth suddenly realised she didn't need to be afraid of him any longer and found all her fear disappear, replaced only with pure unfiltered rage.

"I neither was nor will be your pet" she spat.

Steve turned his attention back to Zola only after he was sure that Beth wasn't about to shoot again.

"What's on this drive?" Steve demanded.

As Zola explained the project, warning alarms began to sound in Beth's head. Why was he telling them everything? Unless…

The doors behind them began to close and despite Steve's best attempt, they slammed shut. Beth glanced over at Natasha as the older woman's phone beeped and she gave a big sigh, hating when her gut instincts proved true.

"We've got a bogie." Natasha said, her voice calm, her hand shaking slightly.

"Who fired it?" Steve asked, confused.

"SHIELD"

Beth groaned and as Zola droned on in the background, she flung herself down into the space beneath the grate Steve had lifted, Steve grabbing Natasha and jumping in after her the same second the blast hit. The next thing she knew, concrete and rubble was raining down on them, Steve's shield and Natasha's body covering her, though one piece still managed to hit her brow and she cursed as blood began to fill her vision. She grasped wildly for Natasha, only to realise the other woman was unconscious. Above, she could hear Steve cry out and instinctively, she raised her arms to help him with the weight of the building crashing down on them. As Steve cried out once more, Beth's own voice joined him as they fought to protect the woman they had grown to consider a friend from any more damage, the whole time silently praying they'd make it out okay.

When the dust finally settled and Steve emerged carrying Natasha, it was Beth who took hold of his shield, her eyes steely with determination as they quickly slipped into the darkness and away from the incoming SHIELD helicopter.


	8. The Soldier Beneath the Mask

_Hi everyone!_

 _I know, it's not been a crazy long hiatus again! I'm glad I still have people reading this story as it truly is my baby and I have a few chapters coming up that were written way back in 2015 when I started this journey with you all!_

 _As for this chapter, I think many of you have been waiting so long for it, so I made it a bit longer than my usual stuff._

 _Enjoy and don't forget to drop a review!_

 _ **April 3**_ _ **rd**_ _ **2014, Washington D.C**_

Since leaving the army, Sam Wilson was content to say his life was quiet. He was less content to say it was interesting. In fact, he'd happily settle for saying it was nothing shy of dull. He loved his freedom, but missed the excitement the army bought him. Every day it was the same. Go for a run, drink some juice, shower, breakfast, and head to the office. He loved helping others through their traumas, but there was always going to be that tiny part of him that would settle for that adrenaline rush again.

Knock knock.

The bottle he'd bought to his lips lowered, his senses immediately kicking into high alert. Not only was it stupidly early, but that had come from his back door. Cautiously, he moved to the door and drew the blind. Staring back at his with degrees of exhaustion were three pairs of eyes, two identical shades of blue, one a pale green. Startled, he opened the door and Steve gave him a weak smile.

"Everyone we know is trying to kill us." Nat offered as an explanation.

It took Sam less than three seconds to make up his mind and swing the door open.

"Not everyone."

The trio entered, the door and blinds shutting swiftly behind them. In a daze and not certain he wasn't dreaming, Sam took in the dust and specks of blood on all of them.

"I have a shower upstairs if you want it."

Beth immediately looked to Nat, but the other woman firmly shook her head.

"You got impaled by a tree, electrocuted, then almost blown up yesterday. You get first dibs."

She flashed a glance at Steve, but he simply raised his hands.

"Don't look at me. I'm with Nat here."

Exasperated, Beth accepted the towel Sam held out to her and followed him to the bathroom. He didn't speak, and she was grateful for the lack of probing, even though she knew deep down he was probably about to explode with questions. Stepping into the water, she turned the heat as high as it would go and only when the scorching heat began massaging her muscles did she allow a single tear to slide down her face as she recalled the memories punched into her brain the night previously. As she wiped the trail away, she told herself that would be the last time she would allow Zola the satisfaction of tears. He was dead. Gerbel was dead. Only one of the sick bastards remained, and he was active again. In her eyes, that meant one thing: soon, he was also going to be dead.

Sam greeted her with a cup of coffee as she stepped into the kitchen and passed the shower over to Nat. grateful, she took the cup and sank into a chair with a heavy sigh.

"I take it those two filled you in on the events."

"Almost. Just go to the part where you reached the base."

Pain stabbed her stomach at the thought, but she brushed it aside to take a large gulp of coffee, choosing to stay silent as Steve continued filling the gaps. By the time he finished, Nat had called down that the shower was free and Steve all but skipped to the stairs.

"He's been obsessed with showers since we were kids. He hates getting dirty."

"Seems like he chose the perfect career." Sam replied.

It was a small joke, but enough to make her lips twitch up.

"I'm sorry we dropped in like this. We just couldn't think of anyone else we could trust."

Sam placed his mug down, his eyes growing serious as he met her gaze head on.

"It means a lot that you chose to trust me of all people. I do have one question though; how did you know where I live?"

Beth's lips twitched again.

"Nat is an excellent hacker. Took her about four minutes."

"Of course." he muttered under his breath as he moved towards the stove. A comfortable wait later and the scent of bacon filled the air, causing Beth's stomach to grumble. He slid a plate over to her before heading up to where she could hear Steve and Nat's quiet tones filtering down. Her heart went out to Nat. It had been hard enough for Beth to realise SHIELD was actually being controlled by HYDRA, but Nat had thrown everything she had into the organisation, desperate to redeem herself. For Beth, it was more personal. Her closest friends had worked so hard to set it up, only for it to be tainted by the one thing they spent their lives to stop. It made her only want revenge.

Steve noticed the fire burning in his sister's eyes as he took a seat at the table, but he didn't say anything. He understood how she was feeling. The same anger burned in him too. Nat kept quiet until Sam started buttering toast and placing it in front of them.

"So, who in SHIELD has the authorisation to launch a missile?" she asked.

Beth's hand clenched her knife harder as Steve voiced Pierce's name. Her mind began fading until Jasper Sitwell's name turned up. Tuning back in, she frowned as Steve began to wonder how they could approach the man in broad daylight. One slender eyebrow raised as Sam placed a folder in front of them.

"You don't."

Beth could only listen with interest as he explained his skills and began to plot with Steve and Nat where to find his wings. By the time she came out of her thoughts, Steve and Nat were already standing, ready to leave and steal the wings for their friend. Steve bent to kiss her head.

"We won't be long. Stay here, gets some rest, and help Sam plan how to catch Sitwell. Okay?"

Knowing it would be a much easier task if only two people went, she nodded her consent and gave her close friend a smile as the pair headed out the door.

"It doesn't matter how old I get, he still sees his baby sister when he looks at me." she sighed.

"Unfortunately that's the downside of being the younger sibling." he sympathised.

Beth glanced at Sam, seeing a fond smile on his face as he shook his head.

"You have siblings?"

"Two older sisters. Doesn't matter to them that I tower over them and joined the military, I'll always be their baby brother and get nagged at every holiday over how I need to settle down with a nice lady."

The hidden softness in his voice betrayed his words and Beth gave him a warm smile. She was so glad they'd chosen to confide in him, though there was part of her guilty for dragging him into the mess they'd made. Sighing, she let her smile fade, a more serious expression taking its place.

"So, capturing Sitwell…"

….

Steve and Nat returned a few hours later, triumphantly presenting Sam with their 'loot'. Action to execute their plan swiftly followed. Each had their own place and roles. Sam would lure Jasper, Steve and Nat would scare him into revealing the secrets being hidden from them, and Beth would be watching out for unexpected intruders, namely in the form of the Winter Soldier.

Part one was a success. Beth had to fight giggles as she watched Sam swoop in and pluck Jasper from the air, the other man's screams inaudible, but she knew they were very definitely there. They were too high up to see clearly, but she was certain she heard the tail end of a scream as they vanished from view once more. A short while later, the trio appeared beside her, Sitwell a pale grey hue to his skin that made her once more fight laughter. Sitwell paled even more upon seeing her, his dire predicament becoming clearer with every minute.

"We know what HYDRA are doing. He's coming with us." Steve explained, nodding at their captive.

They piled into the awaiting car, Beth pressed uncomfortably between Nat and Sitwell. She didn't fail to notice that Steve continually sent the agent suspicious glances, or that he occasionally sent her worried ones, returning one with a frown when she finally caught his eyes with her own.

"I'm fine." She mouthed, as besides her Sitwell began protesting their plans. Beth immediately glared at him.

"Shut…"

A bang on the roof followed by arn arm smashing through the window cut her off, Sitwell's body flying out of the newly created hole a second later to crumple into a semi causing her to instead curse. Instantly, she flipped into what Nat joked was her spy mode, her gun drawn and firing into the metal above before she'd fully processed what happened. She caught sight of a boot lifting up onto the roof and as Nat flung herself into Steve's lap (something Beth filed away to tease them about later), she threw herself back so she was resting against the rear windshield. She fired twice more, growling when she realised they'd missed both times. The thudding moved towards the front of the vehicle and Beth gasped as Sam slammed on the brakes, both herself and the person on the roof launched forwards. With a groan, she raised herself up to see who had attacked, her blood turning to ice as the sun glinted off the familiar metal arm she'd _really_ hoped HYDRA had left out this time.

"Fuck" she spat, the word escaping before she was even aware she'd spoken.

"I agree." Sam said from the front, voice very unsure of itself.

A movement from behind caught Beth's attention as Nat drew her gun. Before she had a chance to yell a warning, a jeep crashed into them, pushing their car towards the soldier, and sending Nat's gun to the floor. Beth found herself slammed into the seats in front of her as the vehicle compacted, letting out a pained grunt as her shoulder wrenched out of its socket.

Sam yelling "Shit!" drew her attention abruptly to the fact they no longer had a steering wheel of any kind. Eyes widening, she braced as the jeep once more slammed into them, but she could tell they were going to flip. Seeing Steve grab Nat, she wedged herself between the gap in the seats to help Nat hold Sam. A second later, they were flying out of the car, using the door and Steve's shield for support. Sam was ripped from her grasp as they landed and she found herself sliding from her brothers grasp, rolling painfully across the tarmac. Her shoulder screamed out as she pushed herself up, revealing she had definitely dislocated it. Standing, she blew out a breath of relief to see Sam was okay, then proceeded to grasp her shoulder and jerk it back into place with a hiss. she looked ahead to see the winter soldier aiming a mini missile gun at Steve and Nat, Steve blasted off the bridge a moment later. She didn't have time to call out, her body simply rushing her to the edge of the bridge in time to see more men had joined the soldier and were ziplining down to shoot the bus Steve crash landed into.

"Go, I'll stay here!" Sam called over to her.

Nodding, she holstered her gun and with a small prayer, leapt down to the level below. Her knees buckled, but she managed to stabilise herself enough to shoot one of the men currently focused on her brother. A second shot, then a third, before a white hot pain erupted in her side. Instinct took over and she rolled out of the way of a second bullet she had no doubt would have ended up in her skull.

By the time she'd stood up, Nat had joined her on the ground, successfully hitting the soldier in the glasses. _'Good, that might distract him long enough to get to safety'._ sharing a look with Nat, the blonde took off running down the street, pausing only to check Steve was okay. Other than looking a little dishevelled and pissed off, he seemed okay, and gave her a brief thumbs up as he turned to jog after them.

It didn't take long for Beth to find a place to hide, grinning up at Sam as he secured the area for them. All that was left was the soldier. She barely had time to consider where he could be when an explosion a few cars down drew her attention, familiar grunts from Natasha following soon after. She didn't race in immediately, choosing instead to assist a young, heavily pregnant woman from her car, but her gaze didn't stray far from her friend. Seconds later, the sounds of an electric disc reached Beth's ears and she grinned. Natasha definitely did like to use her toys, but on this occasion, as with many others, it did its job and saved her life. Using the distraction, Beth jumped in to knock the soldier's rifle from his grasp, only to find herself slammed against the car in front of her instead. His masked face drew closer, breathing haggard and eyes wide.

"нет, не ты *No, not you*" he ground out.

Beth kicked out at him, confused by his words. Did he remember their past encounters? She didn't have time to dwell as he slammed her once more into the vehicle, the force causing the air to rush from her lungs and leave her gasping as he dropped her unceremoniously to the floor. He was gone before she could react, Beth vaguely aware of Natasha's voice crying out for people to run away before a single shot ran out, the shout going silent. Forcing herself shakily onto her feet, Beth hurried over, ignoring the sight of Steve going to town on the soldier. In any other situation, she'd be eager to watch, maybe even join in, but the worry for her friend overrode any instinct to be a spectator. she found Nat slumped against a car, blood covering her hands pressed against her left shoulder.

"Move your hands." she barked.

Nat knew better than to refuse. She'd seen that particular look only a few times and knew it was the 'Beth's barely holding it together, so do whatever the hell she says' look. Her hands dropped and Beth immediately zoned into the injury with hawk-eye precision.

"Good, looks like he's missed any major vessels, but he has done a fair amount of damage. As soon as we're out of here, I need to look at that properly or you could risk permanent nerve damage."

"Sure thing doc. Now you know I'm not dying, maybe go help Steve?"

Casting her friend a glare, Beth spent a few more seconds probing before feeling satisfied enough to do as suggested. She rose in time to see Steve roll away from the soldier, whose metal fist had exploded into the ground where his head had been.

"Shit, Steve!" she called, rushing over to try and help in any way.

"No, stay back! I got this!"

There was an edge to his voice that Beth knew all too well. This was personal. After all, this was the same man (possibly?) who'd been part of her torture and had killed Nick. Reluctantly, she halted, though the arm holding her rifle didn't lower. The second things went south, she'd be shooting.

Finally, it seemed Steve had the upper hand, his shield hitting the soldier in the face enough to stun him. With a yell, Steve flung the other man onto the floor, the mask Beth hated so much dropping to the floor.

" _Huh. Guess now I get to see what the bastard looks like"_ She mused.

Warily, Steve and Beth waited as the soldier stood once more and turned to face them, hatred in his eyes.

Beth's rifle clattered to the floor, her heart seizing until blood roared in her ears, begging her to breathe.

She didn't hear what was said, her mind unable to process anything other than shock at that moment. As Sam and Nat defended them, she fought to inhale anything other than sharp, jagged breaths. As the HYDRA agents swarmed them, she dropped to the ground, barely even registering her hands being dragged behind her back. Everything was fuzzy, as if she'd just been submerged into a bubble. For a moment, the world threatened to darken, the edges of her vision blurring with tears she couldn't even attempt to control. She didn't know how long it took until she was able to process anything again, but when she did, the first thing she registered was Steve saying her name, a pleading desperation to his tone she never thought she'd hear again after they'd spent a sleepless week searching for Bucky over seventy years ago.

"Beth…"

"He's alive." she managed to choke out, before the darkness finally took over, her mind not strong enough to fight anymore.


	9. Aftershocks

_Hey all!_

 _So, a little follow up from last chapter. Expect a lot of anguish, guilt and a little bit of panic. If you suffer at all from panic attacks/anxiety or the like, be warned as I describe a panic attack in detail (I have bipolar and regularly have bad panic attacks, and writing one nearly sparked me.). The method used to calm Beth is a genuine method called grounding and is an amazing tool for coping with panic attacks. It's saved me hyperventilating myself into hospital in the past. If you don't know much about it, seriously give it a try. It's changed my life. For more info, follow this link:_

 _blog/post/5-4-3-2-1-coping-technique_

 _Happy reading, and if you do have anxiety, depression, bipolar or any other mental health issue, I'm here for you should you need an impartial voice to talk to. I've worked in mental healthcare, suffer from bipolar and ADHD, and am currently the Part-Time Officer of Mental Health at the University of Derby, so I can probably help in a number of ways!_

 _Thank you for your reviews, they mean SO MUCH to me!_

 _..._

 _ **April 3**_ _ **rd**_ _ **2014, Washington DC**_

 _Beth found herself standing in a heart-sickeningly familiar train, crouched on the floor, a comforting warmth pressed up against her back. She squeezed her eyes shut, knowing where this was going, and wishing she was anywhere else. The warmth vanished and her eyes snapped open once more to see Bucky charging at the HYDRA soldiers. She tried to call out a warning, but her voice refused to cooperate with the screaming in her soul._

 _For what felt like the millionth time, she could only watch as seconds later, he was blasted out of the train, Steve rushing to help him. As always, she herself crawled to the hole to help, Steve shouting for her to stay back. This time, however, it was different. For the first time, instead of also calling out to her, Bucky simply stared at her, hatred on his face as he stared at her like she was a stranger._

" _You can't save me." he mouthed as his hands lost their grip and he plummeted down into the icy ravine._

 _And finally, the scream came._

Beth didn't know how she wasn't screaming as she jerked to consciousness, but there was a rawness to her throat that made her feel as though she was. Outwardly, she may have been quiet, but internally every fibre of her being was crying out in raw agony. Only one thought swam through her mind, and that was that Bucky was alive. All this time, he'd been alive. They'd _failed_ him.

"Beth"

Sam's gentle voice registered enough that she managed to raise her head to meet his gaze. There was a concern there, but also a silent message that right now really wasn't the best time to have a meltdown. ' _Well tough shit_ ' the hurting part of her wanted to yell. Instead, she remained silent, refusing to acknowledge Steve's guilt as he spoke, her own horror threatening to pull her into a void she knew she wouldn't be able to climb back out of.

"It isn't your fault Steve." Natasha spoke, voice strained.

Something in the other woman's voice had Beth's head whipping round, frowning to see the gunshot wound was still pulsating thick blood. It wasn't going to be long before she passed out or worse. As if seeing the thoughts in Beth's head, Sam spoke up.

"Hey, she needs a doctor."

What happened next surprised them all. Brandishing an electric rod, one of their captors proceeded to attack the other one. A second later and Maria Hill revealed herself to the stunned group. In any other situation, Beth would have smiled. Right now, she just wanted to get out of there and find Bucky. Impatiently she waited for her binds to be cut and a hole to be made in the floor of the vehicle. The moment she was free, she strode over to Nat and bit her lip.

"You shouldn't be conscious right now."

Nat gave the best smirk she could, though the paleness of her skin and the beads of sweat collecting on her brow gave away how bad it really was.

"Yeah, good job I'm stubborn, right?"

Beth rolled her eyes before turning to the new vehicle that had pulled up behind them. She was torn, so torn, between going back to track Bucky or staying with her friends and brother. Steve's hand on her shoulder broke her from her thoughts.

"You know it's impossible trying to track him. Right now, we need you."

She finally forced herself to look him in the eyes, seeing the same pain she knew was in her own. Her heart fell further.

"Fine, but only because Nat will die if I leave."

"Nice to see you care that much about me." Nat muttered as she made her way to the car.

As soon as they arrived wherever the hell Hill was taking them, Nat was barely hanging on and had to be supported by Sam as Beth did her best to stem the blood flow. A doctor came running over to take care of the assassin, before being told they would need to see 'him' first. Not in the mood, Beth growled, a sneaking suspicion that the 'him' mentioned would be none other than their 'deceased' leader.

And boom. There it was. A very much ALIVE Nick Fury greeting them.

"It's about damned time." he groaned.

The next hour was a blur as Beth tried to come to terms with the fact that not only was Bucky alive, but so was the SHIELD director. It was too much, and she couldn't stop her mind wandering no matter how hard she tried. It wasn't until she began recalling the times she'd seen the Winter Soldier that she suddenly felt every inch of air leave her body, her heart shattering. That time, back with HYDRA. Gerbel's use of the Soldier to sexually assault her. The evil bastard had to have known it was Bucky.

She felt sick, bile rising to her throat as panic began to rise inside her.

"I have to leave." She managed to choke out, her chair crashing to the floor as she fled from the room.

She found herself on a bridge overlooking the landscape around her, but she didn't truly notice. The air did nothing to help the heaviness of her lungs. Where normally playing with her engagement ring was something she did unconsciously, this time she was very aware as her hand touched the metal. She almost recoiled as her skin met the diamond, her lungs contracting further. She let go of the ring, panic threatening to take over as she crouched down, gasping for any breath she could catch. Dark spots began blurring her vision once more and she wanted to scream, her whole body feeling as though it was about to implode on itself.

She became aware of a presence next to her only when her inner alarms rang out. Faster than the blink of an eye, she lashed out, her swing easily dodged by a far-too calm Sam. Immediately, the band around her chest tightened further and she turned a pleading look to him as she realised what she had just done. Her hands fell to her sides, shaking violently and her knees buckled once more. If Sam hadn't caught her, she knew her face would've hit the deck.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. I got you."

"Can't breathe" she managed to gasp, eyes watering as she fought the next wave of panic.

"I need you to do something for me, okay?" Sam asked.

It took two more attempts before she was able to nod.

"Good. Look around you, name five things you can see."

"What the hell?" she snapped, voice trembling still as she battled against her unravelling body.

"Just do it. Name five things you can see. Try to take a deep breath in between each one."

She thought he was crazy, but right now, logic and sense weren't exactly on her side.

"Tr...trees." she stuttered. As deep a breath as she could manage. "Rocks". Another. "You." "S...sky".Another shuddering breath. "Railing."

"You're doing great. Now, four things you can touch. As you say them, actually touch them. And keep taking those breaths."

Dropping to the ground as her knees finally gave in, she reached out and grasped Sam's pant leg. He instantly crouched next to her, letting her hold him for support.

"Your p..pants. The ground. Shoelaces. Hair. My r...r...ring."

Sensing her tension, Sam simply forced her head up to look into his eyes, his arms gently reaching out to rest on her shoulders.

"Now, close your eyes."

"I'm scared to" she admitted, hating her body for the betrayal.

"I'm right here."

She didn't know if it was how calm he sounded or the fact he reminded her of Steve, but she forced her eyes closed, Bucky's face glaring at her still causing her to shudder. She moved forwards so she was resting her forehead against Sam's chest, his arms now embracing her.

"Now, listen carefully. What three things can you hear."

It took a moment for the rushing of blood to subside enough for anything to filter through, but the more she focused, the more she found herself able to zone in.

"Trees rustling. Birds singing." a pause, concentrating harder. "Your heartbeat"

"Great. Now, two things you can smell."

That one threw her and she frowned as she inhaled as deeply as she could, shocked to find it was coming easier than it had even a moment earlier.

"Water. I think we're near a water body. Your cologne. It's nice but I don't think it's right for you. Try something with sandalwood next time."

Sam chuckled above her, his arms briefly hugging her closer.

"And one last one. One thing you can taste."

That was hard and it took a few moments for her to formulate a response. It wasn't until she parted her lips to wet them she realised.

"Salt. My tears,"

"That's brilliant. Now, count to ten in your head and deeply breathe with every number. Then open your eyes and I want you to do it all again."

It took two more attempts before she felt calm enough to open her eyes and smile. Her hands had ceased clenching, and taroundnd round her waist was all but gone. The tears had stopped falling, though wet track marks marred her cheeks as a reminder of the control she'd lost.

"How did you do that?" she asked, unable to comprehend how quickly he'd bought her back from the brink.

"It's something I learned when I took up counselling at the VA. It's a technique called grounding. It helps to rewire your mind when having a panic attack as you have to focus on those things you can see, taste, touch, hear and smell. Because you're focused on that and not the thing causing the panic, your brain forgets about it and reboots. It can sometimes take five or six rounds, but I've only seen it fail twice in the past three years."

The medic in her was impressed and wanted to know more. The soldier in her was just relieved to be in control of her own mind again.

"I'm sorry for freaking out like that,"

"Don't be. It was a hell of a shock. I'm surprised Steve hasn't freaked yet."

Beth took a relieving deep breath before replying.

"He tends to go silent with situations like this. He disappears into his mind. I've always been the more outwardly explosive sibling. Though Bucky was probably the worst of all of us."

"Seeing someone you love so dearly come back to life, I can't even imagine it." Sam said, his words cautious.

She went quiet, eyes drifting over to the trees, seeking comfort in them as she listened to the wind whispering through the branches.

"Yeah, you can say that again. That's not the only thing though. Three times now, he's tried to kill me, but three times, he's failed. There have been clues each time, and I never picked up on them. I wish that was all though."

Before she knew it, she'd opened up and told Sam everything that had happened, from HYDRA using Bucky to assault her, to the fight only a few hours earlier where he'd seemed panicked to see her there. He held her when she silently stepped closer, offering her a brotherly hug she wasn't ready to ask Steve for just yet. When they broke apart, Sam gave her a smile.

"Think you'll be okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. I will be. Thanks, Sam."

"Any time."

They shared a smile and headed back inside. Beth immediately headed towards Nat to see how the redhead was feeling, while Sam stood back, observing the group of people he still couldn't quite believe he'd become so involved with. He didn't fail to notice Steve leave the room the same way Beth had, giving the super soldier a few moments to himself before following out.

"He's gonna be there, you know."

"I know" Steve replied, a sadness to his voice echoing Beth's, his eyes haunted.

Sam hated what he had to say next, but he knew that unlike Beth who had probably already realised it, Steve would need to have some tough love.

"Whoever he used to be, that's not who he is now. I don't think he's the kind you save. HE's the kind you stop."

"I don't wanna do that."

"He might not give you a choice. He doesn't know you."

Steve's back straightened, and Sam wanted to groan at the resolve in the other man's face.

"He will. Gear up, it's time to head out."

"You gonna wear that?" he asked, part of him wondering why Steve was walking in the opposite direction to the others.

"No. you wanna fight a war, you gotta wear a uniform."


	10. Hope

_**April 4**_ _ **th**_ _ **2014, Smithsonian museum**_

How he managed to get inside one of the world's most famous museums without being spotted, Steve would never know, but here he was, about to break into his own exhibit.

"You'd think their security would be better, wouldn't you?"

He was fairly certain his heart just stopped. Glowering, he turned to the grinning face of Beth.

"How did you...?"

"Sam told me you'd run off and said something about a uniform. Doesn't take a genius to figure it out."

Though there was a teasing smile on her face, a shadow briefly flashed in her eyes, and Steve knew she was still struggling. Hell, so was he. Right now, however, was not the best time to get into that particular discussion.

"I wander how many laws we're about to break" Beth whispered to Steve as they watched the elderly guard shuffle past them. She was still finding it hard to believe a man so frail had been left in charge of the exhibit, but Steve had simply shrugged when she'd voiced it, his attention firmly on the task at hand.

"A lot. And as long as you keep quiet, we won't get caught breaking them."

"Aye captain." Beth mocked, though Steve wasn't entirely sure if she was being serious or sarcastic. It didn't matter either way as she followed through and fell silent, waiting for the guard to pass them once more. As soon as he was clear, Steve signalled to Beth that they had five minutes. She nodded, mouthing 'plenty of time' to him.

The pair moved together to the uniform he'd worn so often back in the war. It felt strange, holding the material again. It was hard to believe it was so long ago he'd last worn it. It felt like just yesterday he donned it for the first time. Beth wordlessly helped him strip the mannequin, leaving only the shield behind. Steve quickly placed the gear into the backpack he'd bought then glanced over at Beth, who had moved to a display. Bucky's display.

Beth gazed down at the smiling face of Buky in the video clip before reaching out a hand to trace the image above her.

"I swear. I will get you back to me."

It was a vow she made with her entire being. This time, she wasn't going to fail him.

"We have to go." Steve whispered, not really wanting to pull her away.

She nodded and began to follow him, pausing just before the guard was due to return.

"What are you doing?" Steve hissed, watching as she turned back to the uniform display.

She ignored him, darting to Bucky's display and with a few fumbles, successfully managing to remove the jacket he'd worn into almost every battle. The original was long gone, Bucky wearing it the day they thought he'd died, but it was a good enough substitute. She rejoined Steve, and the pair ran just as the guard's footsteps began to echo through the room.

One they were in the clear, Beth shrugged the jacket on, the material swamping her, but she didn't care.

"that thing is huge on you."

"I know. But, I have to wear it. If it will help him remember, I will wear it. I've fought in worse clothing."

Steve could understand that. After all, he could have easily stolen some clothes from any army store to get this job done, yet he'd chosen the uniform that Bucky had known. So yeah, he could completely understand the reasoning.

As they made their way back to the group, Beth shoved her hands in the pockets, feeling a piece of paper sitting there. Curious, she pulled it out, a gasp escaping when she saw her name staring up at her in Bucky's almost illegible scrawl.

"What is it?" Steve asked, having noticed that she'd stopped dead.

"This is…"

She couldn't complete her sentence, instead let her hands open the paper carefully to read words that would have overwhelmed her if she didn't keep reminding herself that he wasn't dead anymore.

 _January 2nd, 1944_

 _Bethie,_

 _If you're reading this, I'm dead. And I am so sorry for leaving you. I'm hoping I managed to at least propose to you before I kicked it. I've had the ring for nearly a year now. I just can't seem to find the words to tell you have I feel and actually ask you to be my wife at the time I write this. I don't know what I'm afraid of though. After all, you chased me and Steve into war, so I can't see you running the other way when I ask you to spend the rest of your life by my side._

 _I couldn't have done any of this without you, you know that right? You're my rock. My inspiration. My heart. I know Steve would be laughing if he knew this is what I was writing, but at the moment he's awkwardly talking to Peggie and probably making a fool of himself while doing it, so I'm free to write this._

 _We're going after Zola soon. I'm so scared that it's gone too smoothly so far. I have a cloud over me, telling me that something is going to go wrong at some point. I'm terrified it will happen to you, but I will do everything in my power to keep you safe._

 _If you're reading this and are alive and well, I did my job. I wish I could tell you to move on from me and marry a good man who will support you, but I know how much you detest that phrase. Also, as I write this, the thought of you with any man makes me sick. But, I will say that I want you to live Don't forget me, but also don't spend your whole life dwelling on me. If you find a man who makes you smile, if you fall in love, don't feel guilty. I know you will, but don't._

 _Live. Live the life we were going to have. Do the things I couldn't do. Make sure Steve does the same._

 _Just don't marry any of my cousins. That, I could never forgive. Oh, and name a kid after me somewhere, won't you?_

 _I love you so much and pray this letter never reaches you. You are and were my world, and I promise that even if I am dead, we will find a way back to each other in the afterlife._

 _Be strong. Live._

 _Your Bucky_

 _P.S- My rifle and this jacket are yours. My rifle is for good luck. This is for comfort._

A tear dropped on to the page as she finished reading and silently, she handed the paper over to Steve as he worriedly looked on.

"He knew. Somehow, he knew something bad was going to happen. And yet he went anyway." she managed to say, her words thick with emotion.

"He went to keep you safe." Steve responded, his own voice weak.

"And now, look what HYDRA have done to him. They were the ones who made him kill MAria and Howard, and I had a panic attack earlier I thought was going to kill me when I realised that time they used the Soldier to...hurt me. It was Bucky."

She knew Steve was aware of the incident she glanced over by the tensing of his arms as he pulled her even closer.

"I'm so scared Steve. What if he's gone forever and tried to stop us tomorrow? I can't stop him, I'm too weak against him."

"We will do it together. We'll get him back."

Beth nodded, stepping away to brush her eyes.

"I think that's enough crying for now. We need to get back to the others."

Taking the letter back from Steve, she placed it carefully back into the jacket she'd first thought was a replica piece. Now she knew better. This was his back-up jacket. He'd always teased that he would make one for her, she just hadn't realised he'd actually done it. She smiled fondly as her hand stroked the paper.

"Well, he did propose at least. Look at the date. He proposed nine days later." She mentioned.

"All he wanted was to marry you and have an army of kids." Steve said, his mouth quirking up into a smile.

"It was going to be chaotic, but it was going to be a hell of a life. Things are different now, but knowing he's alive, I can hold on to the hope that one day we can still have that future."

Steve gave her a solemn look.

"I really hope so too."

Hope.

It was something she hadn't held a lot of over the past few decades.

But for Bucky, she'd hope until it killed her.


	11. Showdown Part 1

As always, thank you for all your continued support! Enjoy this latest instalment, where we get to the final fight of the film and start getting some Buky vs Steve action!

 _ **...**_

 _ **April 4th, 2014. Helicarrier Charlie, Washington DC.**_

Beth felt sick approaching the helicarriers. Every instinct was on fire, desperate for some sign of Bucky. So far though, nothing. It was too quiet, which unsettled her more. She instinctively snuggled into her jacket further, not caring that it was really too big and would likely hider her in combat. If it helped Bucky remember even a minute amount, it was worth the risk. What also helped was Steve's speech to the other agents of SHIELD, his words encouraging her further that they would succeed.

The sound of engines whirring made Beth pause slightly, he head cocking to figure out exactly where the sound was coming from.

"They've initiated launch" Maria explained over the line, her voice direct, but with a hint of worry Beth could easily empathise with.

Running alongside Steve and Sam as they exited, she gasped. Beside her, Sam let out a groan.

"They're a little bigger than I thought" she admitted.

"Yeah. I forgot to say just how big they are." Steve confessed.

As Sam's wings flared next to her, Beth smiled. He truly was like a falcon. She followed behind Steve as he leapt down onto the level below, bones jarring from the impact, but no damage taken. She knew she could take a lot of impact, but she didn't necessarily enjoy doing it.

The moment they hit the ground, HYDRA soldiers began firing at them. As Steve rushed ahead, she began firing back, deciding to save using her rifle for a while. Bodies dropped, dead or alive, Beth didn't particularly care. AS long as they were down, she took it as a win. In front of her, Steve also continued knocking people down, though she knew none of his hits aimed to kill. It was definitely one area where they had diverted and conflicted. Steve was still a man who would rather incapacitate than kill. Beth was a woman who understood that in certain situations, it was kill or be killed, and no way was she going to be the one getting killed.

Explosions began to litter the sky, Beth's attention drawn to where Sam was gracefully dodging shells being shot at him from the helicarriers. She didn't doubt his skill in the slightest, but when one shell came close enough that he dodged like a butterfly who'd just been swatted at, she flinched.

"Stay safe Sam" he found herself muttering as she caught up to Steve, surprising herself at how quickly she'd grown fond of the man.

"You ready for this?" Her brother asked, observing the number of people still coming towards them.

"It'll be a good warm up." She retorted dryly.

They continued fighting their way through until Beth heard Maria ask about Falcon's status.

"Engaging"

A moment passed, before…

"Alright cap, I'm in….shit"

Beth didn't have chance to reply and see what was happening as another swarm of soldiers came out to them. She threw herself into the fighting, blocking out anything going on in her ear so she could clear a path for Steve to get through.

Finally, they made it, Beth waiting at the entrance with her trusted rifle as Steve ran to the control panel to insert his chip.

"Alpha locked."

She wanted to breathe a sigh of relief but knew it was too early. They had less than 7 minutes now to put two more chips in place. They began making their way across to the next helicarriers when Sam proudly announces the second chip was in place. The band of anxiety began to squeeze Beth's chest. If they hadn't seen Bucky yet, she had no doubt he'd turn up on the third and final helicarrier.

"Sam, gonna need a lift." Steve called over the comms.

On the end of his words, he reached out for Beth, who immediately grabbed on to him. He launched off into the air, Sam barely catching them. Hearing their new friend yell in strain, she waited until they were close enough before detaching herself from Steve, landing on the helicarrier a little awkwardly, stumbling slightly. The two men landed seconds later, Sam reaching to rub at his shoulder as he complained about their weights.

Beth grinned, about to reply, when a black blur slammed into Steve, sending him sliding off the edge of the plane. Beth froze as Sam ran forward, the metallic arm of Bucky snapping out to grasp his wings and halt him from his rescue.

"SAm, no!" she yelled as he began to fire at Bucky.

"He needs stopping!" he argued back as Bucky ducked out of the way.

"Go get Steve!" she called at the same time he'd already started flying.

She saw Bucky re-emerge and moved towards him a second too late. In one movement, a wire latched on to Sam, slamming him onto the ground. Another movement as she crashed into Bucky and the wing was torn off. She hit the ground, Bucky tearing her off him so violently, she almost slid off the side of the plane. Jumping to her feet, she could only shout as Sam was kicked off the helicarrier to what she feared was his death. Torn between jumping after him and finding Steve, she eventually settled for heading inside the carrier and praying Bucky didn't notice. She missed the glower on Bucky's face as he snapped his head in her direction, fully aware where she was headed.

When Steve's voice came into her ear, she could have cried.

"You okay bro?"

"I'm okay. See you in a few."

She continued running towards the final control panel, seeing Steve enter from the her left. They caught each other's gazes, sharing a look of resolve and simultaneously rushing to the panel. What Beth hadn't noticed until she almost ran into him was that Bucky had already made it there, and was facing Steve head on.

' _Crap'_ she thought as she began to back away.

"People are going to die Buck. I can't let that happen"

Her heart tugged, praying somehow their words would get through to him. A glance at his face told her that for now, he was still very much HYDRA's puppet, and god how she hated admitting it. One hand strayed to her holster, even as every fibre screamed and pleaded with her not to harm him.

"Bucky, please." she pleaded, as Steve's own voice joned her with a broken beg of its own.

"Please don't make me do this."

She waited one second. Two. By the third, she saw Steve's face harden. Four, and he launched his shield at the man he'd called brother, the act a raw pain she could see in every movement he made. It was deflected effortlessly by Bucky and Steve barely caught it in time to block the bullets Bucky fired at him.

Beth could only watch, physically unable to squeeze the trigger her finger rested on. The gun may as well be a useless block of metal. Reholstering it, she barely dodged as the two men came crashing towards her. It was enough to allow Bucky to graze Steve's side with one bullet, and Beth assisted Steve in pushing Bucky away from them.

"Tell me what to do." she demanded.

"Get to the panel."

Nodding, she darted past Bucky, feeling something slash against her as she danced from his reach. Looking down, she saw a rip in the jacket she wore, and her eyes narrowed.

"You're going to be so pissed off about that someday." she promised.

He stared back blankly at her for a split second, until Steve began a second round of hand-to-hand. She typed the code into the panel until there was an impact to her side, causing her to land heavily on the floor. Bucky stood above her, metal elbow pointing towards her from where he'd attacked and she felt herself growling. He had no opportunity to continue attacking her as Steve landed a solid punch of his own to knock him off balance enough for the captain to continue inputting the code. The panel slid open, but Bucky was already back for more combat. He unleashed onto Steve, Beth barely able to track what was happening, let alone help. Suddenly, Bucky let out a cry and charged Steve, the pair being flung over the railing to the floor below.

"Steve! Bucky!"

"Stay there, I'll throw the chip to you!" Steve replied, sharper than she'd heard him in years.

This fight was taking its toll both mentally and physically on all of them and honestly, she didn't know if they were going to make it out in one piece this time.


	12. Showdown Part 2

Hi everyone, I'm back again after another hiatus. I am determined to get this story finished as I do adore this series and the experience/challenge it's given me. I've been going through a lot lately and tying to balance everything has been hell, however I have really made writing a focus this year which has helped me realise where and what I need to be doing

Please review and I hope you enjoy- there's not many more chapters to go now!

...

 _ **April 4**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2014. Insight Carrier Charlie, Washington D.C.**_

Beth could only watch helplessly as the men below her fought, Steve finally pulling Bucky into a headlock, efficiently cutting off his breathing.

"Drop it!" Steve commanded, indicating the chip in the Winter Soldier's hand but Bucky continued to fight, forcing Steve to increase the pressure around his neck. He felt sick, but he knew he had no choice. Sam was right; Bucky had to be stopped.

Beth was the most terrified she'd ever been. Bucky was family, he was the only man she'd ever loved, and now here they were, Steve holding him in a way that could take his life. It wasn't right and she struggled with her emotions to watch on as Bucky clawed at Steve's arm in an attempt to break free.

"Stop it Steve, you'll kill him!" she screamed as Bucky's face began turning purple.

Within seconds, Bucky lost consciousness and Steve let him go, grasping the chip on his way back to the control panel. Beth paid him no attention, her eyes firmly on the limp form of Bucky laying on the glass. As Steve began climbing up to the platform, forgetting he was supposed to throw the chip to her, she made her decision. Giving him a look asking for forgiveness, her hands grasped the rail and her knees bent, ready to jump.

"Beth, don't! He _will_ kill you if he wakes up!" Steve shouted.

The venomous look she gave him had him snapping his mouth shut as a shudder ran up his spine.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you wouldn't do the exact same thing if that was Peggy down there." Beth said before launching herself off the ledge, giving him no time to respond.

Steve,stunned by the harshness of her words, eventually shook his head, knowing he couldn't stop her and continued on his way, having no choice but to trust her judgement. He was glad to see she had at least pulled out her handgun as a precaution. Steve turned his focus back to climbing up to the control panel, keeping his ears focused on below, concern for his sister's safety trying to override his emotions. Once, he would have been happy to see her run towards Bucky, but right now, he was terrified the other man would kill her in order to stop him. It didn't matter that she was now also a super soldier, one wrong move and like any mortal, she would be dead..

Beth dropped to her knees next to Bucky and rolled him onto his back. Brushing away the hair on his face, she gazed down at him, the lips she'd kissed so many times slightly parted. She wanted nothing more to press against those lips again. Unable to resist, she reached out to touch them with her finger, letting out a pained gasp when his metal hand shot out and clamped onto her wrist. The fingers began crushing the skin and bones, enough to make her grip loosen on the gun she held.

"Drop it."

It was the first time he'd spoken since they arrived. His voice was all wrong. The warmth was gone, his cocky Brooklyn accent replaced with a hint of cold, emotionless Russian. The fingers on her arm tightened, forcing her to drop the gun. It was in that moment, she realised she was seeing the side of Bucky she'd never witnessed in the war- the one that only his enemies faced. The fact he saw her currently as an enemy made her want to shy away, but she forced herself to meet his icy gaze. Aware Steve would come back down and fail the mission if she made a noise as the grip tightened further, she held back a whimper. Her Bucky would never have looked at her or hurt her like that.

"Please don't do this Bucky." She begged, placing her free hand against his cheek.

His eyes widened and the grip on her wrist intensified. This time, she couldn't hold back the tiny cry as the bones ground together, still not enough to break them, but she knew that any more pressure and they would snap. Thankfully, Steve didn't hear and she turned her face back up to Bucky who was watching her a conflicted expression in his gaze, as if he was battling with himself about hurting her. She kept her mouth shut, seeing slight recognition flickering deep in his eyes. Slowly, the grip loosened and she managed to pull herself free.

"Beth…" she heard him murmur, his tone puzzled, as if he couldn't figure out why he'd just said it.

Hope shining in her eyes, she stepped towards him, but a loud clang from above broke him from his trance, his expression turning stony again. She saw him look up at Steve, his face deepening into a resolution she'd only ever seen back in the war when he was on a mission. She knew that look meant only one thing, and she was determined to stop him from causing any more harm. Remembering the gun she had dropped, Beth reached down to grasp it again to point it at him, her other hand reaching to hold the ring and dog tags on her chain for reassurance.

"I don't want to do this, but unless you snap out of whatever brainwashing HYDRA has done to you and realise we're your family, I'll have to." She said, her voice calm, despite the shaking of her hand.

Her efforts were in vain and in a move she hadn't expected, he reached out and grasped her top, pulling her close to him. One hand brushed her arm and she suddenly found herself airborne as he flung her over his head, the gun she was holding now in his grasp. Her back crashed onto the floor with a bang and she let out a groan, gasping out a breathless plea for him to stop as he raised his own gun and shot Steve in the leg. Watching her brother fall to the ground made her grit her teeth in determination and she started pulling herself off the floor as Bucky fired two more times. Knowing Steve would call her an idiot for not getting out of the firing line, she finally wobbled to her feet and rushed Bucky as he raised the gun again, ready to shoot Steve's heart. Her blood pounded in her ears and she collided with him as he took the shot, sending them both to the floor, Bucky letting out a growl as he landed on his dislocated shoulder. Ignoring the pain, Beth raised her head to see that though the shot had missed his heart, Steve was slumped on the floor, clutching his stomach. Heart in her mouth, Beth pushed up off the floor and darted away from Bucky, who was staring at her with predatory eyes, watching her heading towards the ledge Steve was lying on.

"Steve! Get up!" she screamed up at him as she watched Bucky stand up.

His movements were deliberately slow and as she met his gaze, she saw her death, in them. It was enough to spur her legs to move even faster. In tackling him, she'd done something nobody had done in years; she'd surprised him. She forced herself to hasten as he continued moving at a tauntingly lazy pace towards her, his eyes telling her only one thing; he was going to kill her. Watching him was like watching a predator; sleek, deadly, and locked onto its prey. It had been decades since she'd felt so vulnerable and afraid, only this time, she didn't let it consume her. The second she did, it would be game over

She flung herself at the nearest ladder and heaved herself up it as fast as she dared in an effort to escape him, making it to the first ledge in a time she wouldn't have believed herself capable of if she wasn't running so high on adrenaline. She could hear Maria counting down in her earpiece and her stomach sank at the thought of so many people dying because they had failed.

Three…Two…One.

She braced herself, knowing she would be near the top of the hit list, but the shot never came. Instead, Steve's voice spoke over the radio, and she felt her whole body sag with relief.

"Charlie locked."

Her momentary reprieve was short lived as Maria's voice immediately came back telling them to get off the ship. Beth glanced down to see the guns below moving until they pointed towards the helicarrier opposite them. She gulped, and started ascending the next ladder, her momentary lapse in concentration ending with her crying out as a blinding pain pierced her side. Cursing, she fell off the rung, landing heavily with a gasp. She rolled, a second shot grazing the fabric of her pant leg and above, she heard Steve's voice calling out to her. Assured she was out of firing range for now and trying not to think of how much it destroyed her that the man she loved just shot her, she turned her gaze up and saw Steve peering down at her from where he was still slumped on the floor above. She gave him a weak smile, hoping to hide the pain she was in, but the expression of understanding he returned threatened to turn her into a blubbering mess.

She pressed a hand against her side, more concerned about getting Bucky's jacket covered in blood than the fact she had been shot. It was stupid, she knew, for that to be her predominant concern, but she figured she was going to probably die anyway, so why not worry about something trivial in her final moments?

The sound of another gunshot hurled her out of her thoughts, her breath catching as she realised Bucky was drawing closer. The siblings shared a look as they heard the guns powering up, each knowing they weren't making it out this time. Steve wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms, but he was still too hurt to move properly and knew she was in a similar condition now she had a bullet in her. Plus, there was the slight issue that Bucky was still around and would kill them the moment they entered his sight. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes briefly, decision made.

"Fire now" he commanded into his earpiece.

Beth caught gazes with him once more and nodded, letting him know she was okay with the decision. She hauled herself up, keeping her eyes peeled for Bucky as she once more started heading towards Steve.

"But Steve…" Maria replied.

"Do it!" Both Steve and Beth shouted and Steve pulled himself off the floor, determined to reach his little sister before they were blown to pieces.

"Do it now." He reinforced, once he swallowed back the searing pain in his stomach from the movement.

Tears pirckling her eyes, Beth gave her brother one last look, letting her eyes say the words her mouth couldn't.

 _I guess this is the end. I'm sorry. I love you. I'm so proud of you._

 _I can't believe I failed Bucky._

 _Again._


	13. The Descent

_**Hey all, I'm back! I saw Endgame and all I can say is that I was not ready. I thought I was. I wasn't.**_

 _ **It has however given me a tonne of new inspirartion for this series and I now know that I am declaring Endgame as the end of this series too,bringing the total stories to 8. It's going to be a hell of a journey and I hope you stay with me through it!**_

 _ **On with the show...**_

 _ **...**_

 _ **April 4th, 2014. Helicarrier Charlie, Washington DC**_

The first blast struck the ship seconds later, knocking Beth to her knees and Steve into the rail in front of him. Not one to sit and wait for her death, Beth pushed herself up bolted for the final ladder, her hand clutching it as another blast shook her balance. Halfway up, a hole tore through the hull a meter above her head, the structure containing the control panel crumbling to the ground with a deafening shriek of metal against metal. Jagged shards rained down on her, slicing her hands and into the jacket she'd been so careful to protect. A pained cry filled the air, turning her blood to ice. Looking back, her gaze landed on Bucky's prone form, a large steel beam pinning him to the glass. It didn't matter that he had just tried to kill her, the second she saw the agony on his face, her legs began to ready a jump down, as her hands held tighter to the rungs in a reminder of her brother. Steve solved the dilemma for her, meeting her eyes to cast an apologetic glance before jumping over the rail.

Not missing a beat, Beth followed suit, sliding across the glass to avoid a second falling beam landing mere millimetres behind her. She didn't care that there were chunks of glass and metal embedding themselves in her skin, she only cared about reaching the two men in front of her.

The soldier stared at the siblings with wide eyes as they grasped the beam, though whether it was fear they would kill him or confusion over them helping him, even he didn't know. He'd already tried to pull the metal off himself to no avail and despite the fact the male was his mission, a tiny voice in his head urged to let them help.

When Beth reached out a hand for him, he didn't hesitate, grasping the arm he'd almost snapped only a few moments earlier. Despite the pain on her face as she grimaced, she pulled as hard as she could and he felt himself come free from the beam, his mission dropping it down again the moment he was safely out.

"You know me." His mission stated once he was on his feet and the female dropped her grip.

The soldier paused for a second as a cascade of images threatened to overwhelm him. He pushed them back, his mind blanking with rage.

"No I don't!"

Bucky swung out and Steve grabbed the back of Beth's jacket, hoisting her behind him. She barely kept herself balanced as he let her go to use his shield to block the punch heading his way.

"Bucky, don't!" she yelled as he continued trying to hit Steve, though she didn't come any closer to him.

"Bucky. You've known me your whole life." Steve said, his voice begging him to see they weren't lying.

This time, Bucky's fist connected with Steve's face. Beth stepped towards them but Steve raised his hand to stop her. It didn't matter that she could take just as many hits as he could, he couldn't bare the thought of seeing Bucky hurt the woman he'd once cherished.

"Your name is James Buchanan Barnes." He pressed, pleading.

"Shut up!" Bucky screamed at him, swinging his fist once more.

This time, Beth ignored Steve and moved closer, allowing her brother to hold her back only because she didn't have the energy to fight him any longer..

"It's true Bucky! You and I were engaged before HYDRA took you!" she cried, tears streaming down her face as she reached for her chain once more.

Steve's grip loosened and a crazy idea popped into Beth's head when she saw Bucky seemed to be struggling to believe her outburst. Knowing she was already likely to die today and desperate for him to remember, she decided 'what the hell' and rushed forward, ignoring Steve's shout. Her mouth slammed her mouth against his, an echo of their very first kiss seventy years earlier when Bucky had been the instigator. She felt him freeze, then for a blissful split second, his lips pressed back. The overwhelming joy that washed over her was short lived, his hand clamping onto her arm to wrench her away from him. The already damaged bones finally gave way, the bones snapping loudly enough to be heard over the racket around them. Dropping to the floor, she cradled her arm to her chest, refusing to show him the tears as they started falling. Nothing else could have made it clearer; Bucky was gone. Bucky coldly turned his attention back to Steve, who was watching his sister with a look of anguish.

"I'm not gonna fight you" Steve said, reluctantly turning his attention back to the threat still at hand.

He let go of his shield and Beth watched through blurred eyes as it disappeared into the river below.

"Steve…" she gasped, reaching out to her brother.

"You're my friend." He finished, not looking at Beth for fear he would start crying along with her.

It was brief, but there was a hesitancy in Bucky's eyes, his guard dropping, only to instead lunge at Steve once more.

"You're my mission." Bucky spat.

His fists began to connect with flesh, blood splattering and bones crunching. Beth crawled over to them, begging over and over again through her screams to stop. Her pleas fell on deaf ears, batting her away with a blow to her cheek when her hands clamped onto his metal arm in a bid to halt him. It was enough of a distraction for him to look down at the now battered face of his mission, shocked to see a single piercing eye looking up at him with an emotion he wasn't able to process.

"Then finish it. Coz I'm with you till the end of the line."

Remembering the day Bucky had said the same thing to them both after their mother's funeral, Beth choked back a sob. Bucky's eyes darted to her at the sound, an image of her laughing in his arms, a ring on her left finger flashing up at him as he danced with her round a room hazily breaking through. His eyes drifted down to see that very ring currently swinging on a chain along with a set of dog tags engraved with the name Steve had just called him, telling him that maybe, just maybe, the memory was real and they told him the truth.

"What…" he mumbled, the rest of his words cut off by a roar from above.

Beth looked up at the source of the noise and her eyes widened. With a yelp, she scrambled away from the falling chunk of metal. As it punctured through the glass, she watched in horror as Steve and Bucky dropped from the ship.

"Steve! Bucky!"

A heartbeat later, the floor beneath her began to crack, tilting too steeply for her to do anything but slide down to the same fate. She tried to latch on to anything that would stop the fall, her hands only succeeding in slicing open on a piece of metal she attempted to grasp. She cursed, the blood slickening her palms, rendering the one chance she had useless. Realising there was no way of avoiding this, she braced herself. It wouldn't damage her enough to kill her, she hoped, but it was still going to hurt like hell. Plus, there was the slight fear of falling she'd held since her days in the war. The last time she'd fallen like this, she'd ended up in the hands of HYDRA. Biting back a scream, she squeezed her eyes shut as she ran out of floor, her stomach lurching as she began to drop into nothing.

"Beth!"

A hand grasped her own, her remaining good arm threatening to rip from its socket as she ground to a halt. A second later and she was crushed against a very solid chest, swaying gently in the wind, no longer free falling through the air. She clutched the first thing her hands touched, only then noticing the unnatural solidness of the arm around her waist. Eyes snapping open, she gaped up at Bucky, her brain turning a thousand thoughts around.

"Hold on to me." Bucky said, voice calm, eyes gentle.

The first thing she noticed was that all traces of his Russian accent had gone, the slightest hint of _her_ Bucky coming through. Deciding she was probably dead or dying and this could only be a hallucination, she wrapped her arms round his neck, hissing as she looped her broken arm round his neck.

"Don't let go of me and when I shout, take a deep breath and kick up okay? Even if I let go, you keep kicking and you get out of the water."

She nodded, unable to verbalise that she would never let him go given the chance. Instead, her mouth stayed shut, the hint of hysteria threatening to force a laugh from her at the absurdity. Surely she was hallucinating, because why else would he suddenly be saving her life? Her thoughts only increased when the pressure of his lips on her forehead sent a jolt straight to her heart. A broken sob tore from her, her lips instantly searching for his own. For one fleeting moment, he was hers again, no repulsion on his face as he stred down at her, only the slightest confusion. Before she had time to speak, his arms tightened, his body tensing in readiness. She'd done enough jumps herself to recognise the signs and held tighter, the briefest caress of her lips on his cheek the signal to move.

And move he did. With a lunge she knew she'd be hard pressed to rival, they shot out as far away from the wreckage as possible. He turned them mid-air, so his back was first to hit the water, the shock from the impact too great for him to cushion. With a gargled cry, Beth was torn from his grasp, her body screaming out as it smacked into the water with the force of a bullet.

She'd never before been hit by a moving train, but if she had to guess, this was the thing she'd guess it to feel like. Her lungs threatened to burst as she sank into the water, the little air she'd managed to gulp shooting out fom the force. She didn't get a chance to panic, Bucky reaching her within seconds, his hands holding her waist in a punishing grasp. The next second, she was vaulted upwards, breaking through the surface with a gasp, her bruised lungs sucking in air even as her broken ribs protested the abuse. Her injuries almost unbearable, she began half swimming, half floating towards the shore, her eyes vigilantly seeking the familiar blue of Steve's outfit and the black of Bucky's clothing after the latter had failed to surface alongside her. The only thing she successfully spotted was the red and blue shield she had feared was lost. Reaching out, she grasped it and used it as a float to help her get the land. Too weak to pull herself up, she simply allowed herself to wash up on the river bank, a death grip on the shield, her lifeline to Steve. She took deep shuddering breaths, fighting to control her shivering from the icy water. Coughing, she winced at the pain it caused, noting with grim realisation that she was wiping blood as well as water off her mouth. She groaned. That would explain the breathlessness and pain. She'd likely punctured lung as a result of hitting the water. Her vision was beginning to grow fuzzy and she fought against unconsciousness, forcing herself to sit up to look for her brother.

"Come on Steve." She pleaded, hoping he was okay.

One second. Two. They continued ticking, until she was ready to give in to despair. The blackness of unconsciousness increased, and when she saw movement in the river at first she thought it was actually the spots. With great effort, she focused and saw the familiar blue clad body of her brother being dragged through the water by a flash of metal that could only be Bucky. She couldn't call out, couldn't even move as the darkness overtook her. The last thing she was vaguely aware of was being lifted off the ground and a slight pressure on her forehead before she was laid back on something soft. After that, her world became black, and for once, she welcomed it, allowing her body the oblivion it sought.


	14. Healing

_**Hey everyone, it's great to see that people are pleased for my return! I have already churned four more chapters out for this and so I hope t have this segment of our series completely finished by mid-end May!**_

 _ **This chapter is for emmagnetised- thank you for your review!**_

 _ **Don't forget to review and let me know your thoughts!**_

 _ **/**_

 _ **A**_ _ **pril 7**_ _ **th**_ _ **2014, General Hospital, Washington D.C**_

The room was filled with the sounds of multiple machines beeping, and if Beth didn't feel so weak, she would have risen to turn them off. Instead, she settled for cracking one eye open and groaning at the brightness of the room.

"Shut them machines up would you?" she grumbled, her gravelly voice from lack of moisture telling her she'd been unconscious a few days at least.

"Considering they've been keeping you alive, I'm not even gonna try."

She flipped her middle finger towards Nat, the other woman chuckling as she moved closer to place a hand on her shoulder.

"You gave us a hell of a scare."

Beth's second eye opened, a task more difficult than it had any right to be. Frowning, she looked down to see her body covered in bandages and various tubes. She wasn't sure if it was a curse or blessing to know what each represented.

"How long?" she asked, throat grating.

Nat held a cup of water to her mouth and she took a few tentative sips, the coolness a balm to her unused muscles.

"Three days. Trust me, with the state you were in, they expected it to be a lot longer."

She almost choked. Even before Zola's serum, she'd never been injured badly enough to spend longer than a couple of hours out cold. Her mind flashed back to the period after her mother died, when she'd worked so hard she'd made herself seriously sick, resulting in a two day trip to the hospital after fainting and cracking her head open on the counter. She'd never forget the terror on Bucky and Steve's faces when she woke, the incident one that for a time had actually put a barrier between the friendship she'd held with Bucky. Thankfully, it hadn't stuck.

"Crap. I knew I was hurt, but I didn't realise it was that bad."

She looked back up, seeing the barely contained worry still in Nat's gaze, and realised how close it must have come for the usually unflappable assassin have such an expression.

"Steve was worse. He's not woken up yet, but knowing you both, it probably won't be long until he does."

If her own state was a shock, hearing that Steve was worse was enough to make her splutter.

"I don't suppose they'd let me see him?"

Nat smirked, her hand reaching out to prod Beth's chest before she could react. Pain arched through her, and she yelped, glaring up at the redhead.

"Pretty sure that'll be a no, but I'll go and find a doctor anyway. Don't be an idiot."

Beth rolled her eyes as the other woman walked out of the room, but she didn't defy orders. She had a sneaking suspicion she couldn't even if she wanted to. Taking the moment of peace to think, she looked around the room, noting she wasn't in the SHIELD medical bay. It didn't surprise her too much, her injuries probably too extensive for the medics there to handle.

Nat returned to find Beth poking at the bandaging on her stomach and frowned, marching up and slapping Beth's hands away. The doctor that followed took note of the glares the women sent each other, a shudder running down his back as he decided he would not like to be on the wrong side of either of them. Noticing him, Beth's attention turned to him and she gave him a sheepish smile.

"Hi Doc. Could you give me the full rundown? I'm going to guess that I had multiple rib fractures and likely a punctured lung, but I have a feeling from the padding that there was more damage involved."

He looked at her, clear surprise on his face, before she realised she had gone into what the Howling Commandos would refer to as 'medic mode'.

"Don't worry, I used to be a surgeon and field medic in the Army. It's how I guessed."

He knew who she was from the new reports over the past year, was aware that she was like her brother in being a super soldier. He hadn't expected her to also be a surgeon like himself as well.

"R…right. You're correct in everything, except both lungs collapsed. You also no longer have a spleen and the packaging is because a shard from one rib perforated your diaphragm and into the bowel, so there was a significant amount of bleeding in your chest and abdominal cavities. You also broke both your radius and ulna, had a fractured cheekbone, and multiple contusions across your body. Your palms were quite shredded and we will need to test whether there is any nerve damage now you're awake."

She wasn't usually one to scare easily, but as he reeled off the injuries, she found her stomach clenching uncomfortably. And she was the least injured of the siblings?

"What about my brother? Are you his doctor too?"

If the doctor was surprised by her complete lack of regard to her own injuries in favour of her brother's, he didn't show it. He simply nodded.

"Yes, I am. He had multiple facial fractures and swelling on the brain that took two days to recede. He too has multiple broken ribs, but only one lung damaged. He was shot in the abdomen, which caused considerable damage to his stomach, and there was a bullet in his leg that had lodged in his femoral artery. We almost lost him trying to get it out. He's still asleep mostly due to the trauma in his head."

Her chest grew tighter with each item on the list, until black spots began to dance across her eyes. One encounter had caused that much damage, and she couldn't get it out of her mind that Bucky was the one to cause them majority.

"Is he naturally down, or medically?"

"We had to medically sedate him to allow the swelling to go down. I'm shocked it's working so quickly, if I'm honest."

The band loosened a miniscule amount and she gave the smallest sigh of relief.

"I can deal with that. It's probably best if you bring him out of it now. He's not a typical man. If you keep him under too long, he won't heal properly. I know it sounds crazy, but that's just how we both work these days. I'd also like to see him if possible?"

Natasha was the one to speak up, her hand very firmly settling on Beth's shoulder once more.

"You can barely move, let alone get up."

Beth had sent her plenty of glares in the past, but this was the first time Nat actually took a step back from her friend. The doctor said nothing but did give her a look that clearly said he thought she was insane. He seemed to know better than to argue, choosing instead to order one of the nurses to bring over a wheelchair.

"This is going to hurt to the point you're likely to pass out." He warned.

"Yeah, well, I'll just have to hope you guys catch me if I do." She growled back, already beginning to pull herself up.

If she had to imagine what being hit by Mjolnir was like, this would be it. Everything screamed in protest and a flash of white-hot agony tore through every nerve ending in her torso, but she pushed through it, teeth bared and sweat forming on her brow. She was panting heavily by the time she eased into the chair, her hands grasping so hard they began to crush the metal of the arm. She could barely see for the pain blurring her vision, simply grunting to let them know she was ready.

Fortunately, Steve's room was next to her own, her brother hooked up to more wires than she had been. Sam was perched in a chair next to the bed, flipping idly through a magazine. He didn't look pleased to see her wheel into the room, seeing the state she was in.

"You look like hell."

"Have you looked in a mirror?" she quipped back, her focus barely on him.

She reached out to take Steve's hand, tears threatening to spill. Right now, he was back to the scrawny punk who'd barely been able to breathe, rather than the strong soldier he'd become. Seeing him so pale, with so many machines controlling his body was a punch to the gut she hadn't expected. It hurt like hell, but she wheeled herself closer to run a hand through his soft locks, her fingers trembling. She began to hum a melody their mother would often sing when they were unwell, silently asking him to wake up even though she knew the sedatives were going to keep him under for at least another few hours after they reverted the process.

She managed only a few moments until the pain began to overwhelm her. By the time she was back in her own bed, tears were freely spilling down her face, her breath coming out in shallow pants. She didn't care. Now she knew he was safe, she could rest.

"That was dumb."

"I know, but I had to see. I forgot how it felt to see him like that."

Nat gave her friend a soft glance, knowing she herself couldn't understand how Beth felt in that moment. She stayed a while longer, flicking through various news articles on her phone as Beth fell into an uneasy sleep after her overexertion. Most of it was a frenzy, the media gagging over the leaked HYDRA files, HYDRA desperately trying to remove as many as possible from public view. Natasha herself had secreted two copies of everything and had secured a vault of hard files from Pierce's office shortly after Nick put a bullet into him. She had a lot of red in her ledger, but it was nothing compared to some of the things she'd read so far.

"Anything interesting?"

She almost jumped, hating that Beth and Clint were the only people who could get the drop on her like that. Beth hadn't even changed her breathing between sleep and being awake.

"Not much. I leaked HYDRA's files to the world, and the world is exploding."

Concern flashed across Beth's face and Nat gave her a reassuring look.

"Don't worry. I managed to hold off on sending anything out about you. I tried to claw as much about Barnes back as I could, but he's pretty hot news too right now."

It was the first time Beth had given a thought to Bucky properly since waking. Where was he now? Had he been captured again by HYDRA or finally broken free from their clutches?

"He's in the wind. HYDRA is desperate to find him, but he's a ghost."

"I hate that you can read me so easily." Beth moaned, folding her arms.

"Don't forget it goes both ways." Nat replied, standing and reaching for her jacket as it was nearing midnight.

She snorted, knowing full well even she couldn't read the assassin when said assassin didn't want her to. Nat shrugged on her jacket and reached for her bag, pulling out a file and placing it on the stand next to Beth.

"I didn't want to give you this yet, but I know if it was me, I'd want to know. We found it in Pierce's office. It's the file they had on Bucky."

Beth's hand halted, hovering over the file like it was about to bite her. She nodded, swallowing down a lump in her throat, but before she had chance to say than you, Nat had gone. The need to know overrode the wish to bury the file and she flipped it open. The first thing to greet her was a photo from Bucky's days as a solider, his face relaxed as he looked slightly off camera. She recognised that expression all too well, knew it was her he was looking at. She even remembered that day, had thought that photo had disappeared from existence. She took it from the file and placed it under her pillow. Like hell she was letting that one go again. Turning her attention back to the file, it wasn't long before her tears began to fall once more, reading torture after torture. It took them thirty years before he broke. There was even a note that he would regularly scream out her name when they strapped him to the chair.

Unable to take any more, she flung the file onto the table and lay there sobbing until she fell into an exhausted slumber. She woke some time later to the awareness of a person in the room. Blinking to clear her vision, she caught a glimpse of a hooded figure in the doorway, their back turned.

"What did they do to you?" she asked, her voice pitiful even to her own ears.

There was a pause, the figure freezing at the door, one metallic hand resting on the handle. He didn't turn fully, his head moving only slightly in acknowledgement.

"Everything." Was the single worded response, the door closing behind him as he left.

It wasn't until she turned her head that Beth noticed the flower laying innocently next to her pillow. She was so sick of crying, yet there she was again as she touched it, having forgotten herself how much she loved Hyacinths. What struck her more than anything wasn't the fact he'd come to visit her. No, there was something even more touching.

He'd remembered.


	15. Unscrambling the Pieces

_Back again with the next chapter! A couple of mentions from reviews since the last one:_

 _Ebrithme- Hey you, it's been a while! Glad to see you're still with me!_

 _Emmagnetised- you're so very welcome and thank you!_

 _Zikashigaku- I saw Endgame and cried SO MUCH. It's made it hard for me to watch Age of Ultron even though I need to watch it again to make sure I have the info right!_

 _ **April 10**_ _ **th**_ _ **, 2014- Washington, D.C.**_

Beth was getting tired of standing in front of empty graves, but yet again, here she stood, looking at the man whose headstone stood next to her foot.

"Where will you go?" Steve asked.

"I have a few loose ends to clear up. After that, who knows?"

Beth pursed her lips, barely acknowledging as Fury shook hands with her brother before nodding to her. The only way he knew how to say thank you without actually having to speak the words. If there was one thing she knew Nick Fury hated, it was the feeling that he owed something to someone. Especially when that thing was his own life.

"Just don't get yourself killed. I couldn't bear it if you did end up in there after everything we've been through." She warned, unable to completely ignore the man.

They watched as he limped off, Beth sending a silent request to the deities to keep him safe. Once he'd gone out of sight, she turned her focus to Steve. Like her, he was still recovering, the deep cuts on his face only just healed over. He'd woken the morning after bringing him out of the coma and was discharged the next day to the shock of all the hospital staff. Beth's own discharge had happened a day earlier, her own accelerated healing a blessing. Her chest still ached, and she knew it'd be at least another week before she went jumping out of any planes sans parachute, but considering where she'd be if she wasn't a human tank, she wasn't complaining.

She could see the mental scars were hurting Steve far more than the physical ones. As he discussed searching for Bucky with Sam, she found her eyes sweeping over each fading bruise she could see, telling her brain that he was okay, that they were both okay.

"Beth, do you have any ideas where he may be?" Steve asked, breaking her from her thoughts.

She shook her head, even though she could think of at least three possibilities. However, she also know that If Bucky wanted them to know where he was, he would have told them. She sensed he needed time to rediscover himself, and she knew from gut feeling as well as reports of unusual activity at the Captain America museum where he most likely went to do that.

It was three A.M, the air chilly as she dropped down from the vents into the Smithsonian museum. Thanks to their earlier stealing of their uniforms, she knew where all the alarms were, managing to avoid them all as she stalked her way to her destination. There were no guards tonight, the building silent except for the video reels continuing to play through the night. It was there she spotted him, standing in front of the Bucky Barnes display, his back turned to her.

"You know that breaking into places is illegal, right?"

The shock on his face as he spun around was almost comical, the effect dampened only by the gun he pointed at her face. She raised her arms slowly, the wild look in his eyes unsettling her enough to not tempt a bullet to the brain.

"Easy, Solider. I am alone, and I am unarmed. I just wanted to talk. I promise." She said, holding his gaze unflinchingly so he could see she spoke the truth.

She barely breathed until he eventually assessed her threat level as minimal and lowered the gun. She didn't fail to notice the safety still off as he slid it back into his holster. She didn't care, any trust was better than none at all. He was still eyeing her with suspicion, and she lowered her arms, slowly moving closer to stand next to him. Her eyes strayed to the video of him laughing next to Steve and like before, she couldn't resist reaching out to trace it.

"HYDRA had me too for a while, so I know what you're going through to a certain extent. They tried to break me, would have succeeded too if I hadn't found a way to escape."

He remained silent, and she couldn't force herself to look at him. Instead, she kept talking.

"I never knew you were right under my nose this whole time. If I had…"

Her words choked, unable to say anymore. Instinctively, she hugged her jacket tighter, not taking her eyes off the video in front of her.

"You're wearing my jacket."

It wasn't quite a statement, nor was it a question. The fact he'd spoken at all was enough. Sadness ebbing, she gave the tiniest hint of a smile.

"Yeah. This was a spare one you had made for me. You'd even left a letter in the pocket for me to read. Unfortunately, due to certain circumstances, I only found the note last week when I stole the jacket from that mannequin over there."

He followed her hand, seeing the half-bare mannequin underneath the portrait of a man he knew was himself, yet also a stranger. He felt his lips tug, forcing it back down again. He may be free from HYDRA's clutches, but it didn't mean he was about to let his guard down.

"It must be strange, seeing the face of someone you know is you, but not knowing who they are at the same time."

The fact she'd matched his tone exactly surprised him, until he realised she was as uncertain of him as he was of her. And yet, she'd worked out where he was and come anyway without betraying him to anyone else, and not knowing if he would kill her on sight. Something deep inside settled at the display of trust, a feeling he couldn't place washing over him.

"It's certainly not pleasant."

She crouched down on the heels of his words, sliding her bag from her bag and rummaging through it. His hand hovered over his gun, training overriding the instinct to trust her. She gave a triumphant 'aha!' a second later and pulled out a black notebook and pen. Standing, she held them out to him.

"I know you aren't sure who you are and are probably going to struggle to adjust to everything, so I thought I could try and help in any way I can. I gave Steve a notebook when he reappeared so he could write down all the things he needed to catch up on, and it really helped him find a small purpose in a strange world. You used to be someone who took notes on everything; I figured that part of you might appreciate the chance to do so again. Maybe it'll help you piece everything together."

She glanced away, a faint blush crossing her cheeks as he took the book from her hand. He'd been considering a similar thing already, his only block so far being a lack of money.

"I've also added my phone number in the back. I don't think you will, but if you ever need me for anything, you can contact me and I'll do what I can, okay?"

He nodded, unable to find the right words to say. He watched, her gaze turning sad before she looked back up at him with a gentle smile that tugged at his heart.

"I'd better be heading back. Steve's not the lightest sleeper, but even he will eventually realise I'm not home if I'm gone too long. I truly hope you find the answers you need. You may not remember and you may never again return the sentiment, but my heart and home is always open to you. You need me, I'll be there, till the end of the line."

She didn't wait to see if he understood the weight of her stomach, walking away before he could see the emotion on her face.

"Wait."

She paused, glancing back to see him holding a piece of paper in his hand. She didn't need to look to know it was the letter he'd left in her jacket.

"Keep it." She replied, "It may help."

He nodded once more, sliding it back into the notebook. She reached the exit to the exhibit, stopping one last time to look at him, a gut feeling this would be goodbye for a while.

"I won't tell Steve where you are unless you ask me to. Come back to us when you're ready and don't forget we love you."

The door swung shut before he had chance to respond, leaving him standing in the light of the exhibit, the notebook and faint scent of vanilla the only proof of their encounter.


	16. Distant Memories

_**May 1**_ _ **st**_ _ **, 2014. San Francisco, California**_

 _Everything hurt. Even his eyelashes felt as if they were on fire as his eyes fluttered open. Around him, numerous voices shouted jangled orders, bodies running here there and everywhere. Instantly, his thoughts flickered to Steve, once again thanking the heavens that he had been rejected from the army so he'd never have to be in this kind of pain._

" _Barnes! You okay?" a voice called from beside him._

 _Groaning, he forced his head round to look over at the burly American next to him. He tried to raise his arm and give a thumbs up, but his body refused to listen. Instead he simply grimaced._

" _Not really, but I'm not dead so that's a start."_

 _The American grinned broadly despite the blood running down his face from the cut on his forehead. He crawled over to the younger man and clapped him on the shoulder._

" _Atta boy Barnes."_

He jerked awake, surprised he'd slept long enough to actually dream. Up until now, he'd mostly dozed, the memories coming to him in dribs and drabs, but none clear enough for him to grasp finer details such as dates or names. He flicked on his lamp, reaching out for the notebook that had become his lifeline to his mind. He'd split it into two halves, his memories before HYDRA and the ones during. In two weeks, he'd filled ten pages of the latter and only half a page of the former. Typically, it seemed the worst memories were coming back first, though there were the occasional ones of Beth and Steve that popped in every now and then that he was more than happy to note. Things such as Steve laughing with him, and the fact Beth always smelt like vanilla. They were a comfort to him.

The other memories? Not so much. Blood, screams her was certain were his own, and multiple deaths he'd caused plagued him night and day. He wrote them all down, even if he had no idea if they were real or simply his brain trying to reset. The letter he had written years ago to Beth now sat in a small pouch he'd created in the back cover, the paper beginning to tear from the amount he read it, confirming he wasn't always the monster HYDRA turned him into.

He found his mind drifting, thinking of the woman who looked at him with a devotion he didn't feel he deserved. He wondered where she was now, whether she was keeping herself safe. If the things he remembered and had seen from her and her brother gave him anything to go by, he doubted it. The memories may be fleeting, but one thing he had managed to establish was that the siblings seemed to have a knack for trouble. He couldn't help but wonder how he'd fitted him. Had he too been a magnet, or was he the one trying to keep them out of trouble? For all he knew, he could have been the instigator. One thing he did know was that he wanted to remember more from the good times. If nothing else, he wanted to remember her, the woman who caused his heart to spark even as the darkness that was HYDRA hung over him, trying to drag him back every time he closed his eyes. Fortunately, she was always there, ready to stave off the bad.

/

" _Those assholes give you a rough time again?"_

 _Her eyes were red, signs of tears still lingering on her face as she looked up at him with a weak smile. Even then, she was stunning, her eyes shining in the sunshine, matching the sky above. It was no wonder his heart threatened to jump from his chest whenever she smiled at him._

" _It's nothing I can't handle. I just get fed up of them putting me down whenever I surpass them is all. It just means next time I have to blow them even further in the dust."_

 _His arms wrapped so effortlessly round her waist, pulling her to rest against him. She sank into his embrace, her warmth enveloping his chest._

" _That's my girl."_

 _/_

The routine continued for the next two weeks, fits of sleep mixed with jumbled dreams he could barley make sense of. He wrote it all, and eventually, some of the pieces began to fit, even make sense to his addled brain.

It was only a matter of time until his memory unlocked the worst one of all.

 _/_

 _It was rare they let him out. Apparently, he was too volatile to trust, too prone to caving in their heads. He couldn't remember doing it, but he heard their whispers, felt their fear in the air._

 _Today was different. Today, not only had they fed him a meal that wasn't unpleasant, they had even allowed him to shower before they'd strapped the muzzle across his face._

" _Солдат, ваша миссия сегодня - помочь нам покорить заключенного. Она оказывается особенно ... трудной. Вы должны помочь нам сломать ее, любым необходимым способом._ _" *Your mission today, Soldier, is to help us subdue a prisoner. She is proving particularly...difficult. You are to help us break her, any way necessary.*_

 _They led him into a room he knew all too well, the clanking and whirring of the machines enough to make a shudder slither down his back. The screams echoing around them were blissfully not his own, but belonged to a petite woman, her breaths coming in short, sharp pants as she slumped in her seat. They released her shackles, the men sneering as they caught sight of him. One in particular, a short, plump man wearing spectacles, rubbed his hand with glee and waved him over._

" _Will you do as you're told now?" he asked the woman._

 _She responded with a well-aimed globule of spit in his face. The smile was wiped away, the soldier summoned closer as the other man began to sneer._

" _Very well. You made your choice. I have made mine."_

 _It took a moment for the soldier to realise what was expected of him, until the other agents in the room stood her up and began to tie her to a post, tearing at her clothes like animals. When the order came to subdue her, he was hesitant, unsure of his purpose. Until he caught her scent through the mask, his body instantly reacting like a teenage boy. And then he was on her, ignoring her please and screams tearing from her throat. He couldn't stop himself, the feel of her too much to withstand. Growling, he grasped her shoulder and turned her body so he could see her face. She was the most beautiful thing he'd seen, even with the terror in her eyes and tears tracking her face. There was hatred there too as she tried to search past his mask into his soul, her eyes a bright blue he was sure would haunt his dreams. When he finished, he was parted from her far too soon for his tastes, her body slumping to the floor helplessly as he was marched back to his prison._

 _/_

"No, no, no, nonononono!" He roared, jumping to his feet as adrenaline surged through him.

His hand thrust into his hair as he began pacing in the tiny space he was renting. There was no way in hell that was real. It couldn't be. The only explanation was that his mind was playing tricks on him, replacing the face of a nameless woman with Beth's. He would never, not in a million years, hurt her like that. Not his Bethie.

A smash drew his attention only slightly, cursing when he realised, he'd lashed out, his metallic arm now poking through to the kitchenette through the wall. The plaster crumbled to his feet as he corrected his mistake, but the anger still seethed. He didn't trust his head, not on this one. He had to know, had to be certain, and there was only one way he could do that.

He had to speak to Beth.


	17. Storms and Shadows

_Hey guys, next update time! The has got to be one of the longest chapters I have EVER written for a fanfiction, but I honestly couldn't bring myself to separate it into any more sections! I hope you enjoy this overdue segment of our story!_

 _ **August 5**_ _ **th**_ _ **2014, Nebraska, United States**_

She'd blasted her way through multiple scumbags, yelled at three agents, cursed two locked doors and snapped at one of the analysts before Natasha finally spoke.

"Something you wanna tell me?"

Fist connecting with another HYDRA agent's face, Beth snarled.

"Not particularly."

"Really? Cause, the fact you're not even attempting to use non-lethal force tells me otherwise."

Another punch, the guy who'd tried and failed to sneak attack her dropping like stone. She didn't flinch, stepping over his body as if he were simply a minor inconvenience.

"Focus on the mission, Nat"

She saw Natasha's lips purse. She also didn't care. Her job was to take down the base. If that meant erasing HYDRA scum in the process, she was more than okay with that. She knew Steve was still doing his best to lower the fatality rate, but every time she tried to hold herself back from that killing blow, Bucky's eyes would flash in her mind and the barely existing thread of restraint vanished.

As far as secret hideouts went, it was fairly small, built only to contain a small number of projects, along with one larger project that had Beth's fingers clenching harder as she stared up at the now empty cryochamber. She knew they'd stuffed Bucky in there at least twice from the Intel they'd gathered beforehand. She highly doubted the actual number was that low.

"You're growling."

Steve's voice didn't sound alarmed, nor was she surprised to find his own fingers curling inwards at the sight in front of them.

"They hurt him Steve. For years. While I just stood by and worked underneath the man who ordered it."

Whatever guilt Steve was feeling was a flicker compared to the self-loathing burning in Beth's heart, and he knew nothing he could say would make it better.

"There's nothing we can do about it now."

She didn't respond, instead stalking across to a metal pole protruding from the roof they'd caved in moments earlier. One swing and a savage scream was all it took for the man-sized capsule to explode, Steve's reaction almost too slow to protect himself and Nat from the shards of steel and glass. Two more hits and the machine was reduced to a pile of shrapnel. Satisfied, Beth flung the metal to one side.

"That's one thing I can do."

Her dark mood stayed long after they left the base in flames behind them. Her hand wordlessly played with the cool metal of her necklace as she glared into nothing. Steve's presence was a comfort she barely even registered. After an hour, a sigh drew from her lips as she rose to speak to their pilot.

"Hey Nat, drop me off at the farm please?"

At that moment, Beth didn't trust her emotional state around Steve. She knew he meant well, but every time she looked at him, she could see her own guilt reflected in the never-ending blue of his eyes. No, she needed to be around someone who she could switch off around, and whose family would help reset her emotions. The jet landed an hour later, Steve barely having time to look out the window before Beth was embracing him.

"I'll be back soon. I just need a time out. Please understand."

She could tell he didn't want her to go, the tenseness around his mouth betraying his feelings as he hugged her. His big brother instincts were kicking into overdrive, but her pleading tone held him back from questioning.

"Take whatever time you need."

Clint was there to greet her on the porch they'd painstakingly built a decade earlier, two steaming cups of coffee on hand despite the fact it was barely dawn and he shouldn't have even been awake.

"Rough night?"

"You could say that." She replied, nursing the mug and the caffeine it provided.

His arm snaked round her, guiding her into the house where she was instantly set upon by an enthusiastic four-year-old. The coffee barely stayed in the mug, Clint's reflexes once again faultless when Beth's grip failed. The scent of cereal washed over her as she wrapped the child she called nephew in her arms, a smile spreading across her face when he smacked a milky kiss on her cheek.

"Hey Coop. I'm guessing you're the reason your daddy is up so early, huh?"

She caught the sound of Clint snorting and rolled her eyes. Sure, he complained, but she knew the man would do anything for his family.

"Uh-huh! I heard the aeroplane and knew it was you or Auntie Nat!"

She laughed, finally feeling lighter. With a reminder of his cereal still waiting on the table, Cooper wriggled back out of her grasp after making her promise to play later. It was only after she stood that she realised how drained she was, swaying on her feet.

"Head on up. I'll let Laura know you're here when she wakes."

Beth smiled her thanks and dragged her leaden legs up the stairs, kicking the door shut behind her and flopping onto the sheets. Within seconds and still fully clothed, she was out cold.

She woke to the sound of laughter, a smile tugging at her lips as she spent a moment listening to the sounds of life. For the first time in weeks, the heaviness in her chest eased enough for her to join her friends, Lila squealing the moment she saw her. Laura was quick to embrace her when she was able, the two women sharing a bond that was less blood soaked, but as fiercely loyal s the one she shared with Natasha. The remainder of the day was spent fulfilling her mornings' promise, until a game of hide-and-seek led to a two-hour hunt for Cooper after he fell asleep in one of the barns, Clint vowing they were never playing that game again. Laura and Beth found his reaction adorable. Clint simply held his little boy tighter, ignoring the squirming protests and laughter from the women. By the time the children were safely tucked in bed, clouds ad rolled in, light rain drumming a soft melody on the patio eaves. Safe under the cover, Beth had seated herself on the bench, Laura on the swinging chair, each holding a glass in hand. She wasn't sure how it had happened, but while Clint was washing the dishes, the two women had ended up recalling how they met their men. Beth couldn't stop smiling the whole time she recounted the history she shared with Bucky.

"He was slapped every other night by some girl or another! He would hit the dancefloor with one or two reddened cheeks most nights and yet there would still always be another girl flapping her skirts towards him. He was such a playboy!"

Her face softened as the memories turned to the pair of them swaying together, oblivious to anybody else around them, and the way he used to look at her as though she was the only thing that mattered in the world.

"If there's one thing I am happiest about in my life, it's that we eventually found our way to each other."

A sniff from Laura had her reaching for the wine bottle again, this time to refill her friends' glass before the other woman could start crying.

"Sorry Beth. It's just…every time you've talked about him before, you've had this sorrow in your eyes, but just now, all I could see was the glow of a woman who is deeply, _deeply_ happy."

It was Beth's turn to fight the tears, half her drink disappearing in a single swallow.

"He's alive, Laura. How can I not be overjoyed? Even if he doesn't remember us, I don't care. I'm just so grateful to have the chance to see him again."

Laura's hand reached out and took Beth's, the two women sharing a moment before returning to their conversation.

"So, I told you my story, now it's your turn. I bet Clint was all swagger when he asked you out?"

Wine splashed into Laura's face as she began to laugh into her glass.

"It's the complete opposite! I asked him out, and he all but ran the opposite direction! He was _terrified_!"

Clint joined them at that moment, protesting, which only caused them to laugh harder. His lips were quick to kiss Laura's smiling mouth before they settled together on the swing, the group falling into a comfortable silence. Beth watched them, for the first time able to watch the happy couple without her heart threatening to stab through her chest. They may not all be together, but her heart was whole again. Her boys were back and that's what mattered most.

By the time they turned in, Beth was certain the rain had turned from a light shower to a downpour. Knowing her well enough, Clint warned a storm would likely hit, the area they resided in notorious for hosting some of the biggest in the country. She gave him a grateful smile, praying her headphones would be enough to block out the sound as she drifted to sleep.

/

 _It was rare they had a moment alone. With his training, her work shifts and the overall bustle of the camp, they were lucky to see each other for five minutes a day. In those moments, they would simply wrap around each other, counting every blessing._

 _It was raining, but they didn't care. Their arms around each other, they simply embraced the warm summer air. She didn't hesitate when Bucky's hand tilted her head up to kiss her lips, her eyes sliding shut in contented joy. They pulled apart, a smile on her face until she opened her eyes to the gaze of the Winter Soldier. Cold. Murderous._

" _Я сказал тебе, мышь. Я убью тебя._ _" *I told you, mouse. I will kill you*_

 _His hands were round her throat before she could react, her lungs instantly crying out as the world faded into darkness. The last thing she saw was the twisted smile on his face as an inhuman laugh boomed around them._

 _/_

She woke with a scream stuck in the back of her throat, the echo of laughter resonating through the house. It wasn't until the boom of thunder hit that it became clear the laughter had actually been the storm crashing above. One of her headphones had fallen out, failing to protect her from the noise. Swearing to herself, she flicked the safety back on the gun she'd reflexively drawn in her panic, placing it in its usual place at the back of her waistband. Aware she wasn't getting back to sleep anytime soon, she knew only one thing had a chance of settling her nerves; hot cocoa.

A jolt of passed through her as a bolt of lightning illuminated the sky and she headed onto the sheltered porch to watch, mug of cocoa in hand. Storms may make her PTSD worse when she was sleeping, but when awake, they were her favourite weather alongside snow. The door creaked but she knew Clint wouldn't have heard with the constant rumbling of thunder overhead. She settled into the swinging chair, cocoa in one hand, a blanket wrapped around her legs. Her hands continued to shake, her heart slow to return to a normal rhythm as she reflected on the nightmare. It was the first time her dreams had featured Bucky as anything but the man she loved, and she hated how much it affected her now her mind started connecting him with the Winter Soldier.

She sighed, taking a mouthful of cocoa that immediately caused her unsettled stomach to lurch, the usual comfort it provided failing. Disappointed, placed it down on the ground, only to pause at the sound of movement in the grass nearby. They were rural enough for it to be a wild animal, and she was grateful for her gun as she drew it for the second time that night. The blanket fell, knocking the mug over as she raised the weapon to the unmistakably humanoid figure approaching. For a precious few seconds, they both stilled, her mind torn between shooting first, or calling for backup. A flash of lightning made the decision simple. The gun almost fell from her grip as her jaw dropped.

"How the hell did you find me here?" she asked, a chill running down her back.

Bucky's eyes were pained, a wild agony about them that put her even more on edge. Needing to trust the instinct that he wasn't there to harm anybody, she placed the gun down before stepping onto the grass, the rain soaking through her clothing in seconds. He didn't move, a statue she feared would disappear if she blinked. The rain had plastered his hair to him, the slicken tendrils curling round his face until they obscured half his expression. She didn't need to see more than his eyes, the self-loathing clear to anybody. Heart aching, she found her hand reaching up to touch one of the strands on his cheek. When he didn't move to stop her, she breathed a silent sigh and tucked the mahogany hair behind his ear.

"That's better. I can actually see your face now."

She was smiling, a flicker of hope in her gaze growing stronger as her touch lingered. It faltered only a fraction when he reached up to take her wrist, his grip loose enough that she knew it wasn't there to hurt her. His gaze levelled to her own, the self-resentment in them sending a shiver down her spine that she wished she could blame on the rain.

"Unlike when I raped you."

Five words. Spoken so quietly they were barely above a whisper, yet each syllable hit with the force of a bullet. Her heart clenched, the hand on his face falling to her side. The urge to run had never been stronger, and it took all her willpower to force her feet to plant themselves. She had to hear this. He would never have said it if it wasn't important.

"I remember. I wish I didn't, but God, I do."

His jagged words broke the paralysis and she took a step closer. She could feel his heat, only a few inches now between them, but she still couldn't bring herself to hold him. Not yet.

"Bucky…"

He held a hand up to continue talking. It was the most he'd spoken since being freed from HYDRA's shackles, words he needed to say, even if it destroyed everything they'd ever had.

"I prayed it was just a dream. But then it came back. Over and over, and over. I had to find you, to find out if it was true or my mind torturing me. Now I know, and I can never forgive myself. I may not remember a lot, but I remember you. I remember the love I once held for you. And I will never hurt you again."

His arms caught her instinctively when she finally closed the distance and flung into him, as if they'd been created solely for that purpose.

"It wasn't your fault, and I've never blamed you."

She pulled away just enough for him to see the heat burning in her gaze, every ounce of her love poured into one, single look that threatened to shatter him where he stood.

"I love you, and I will always forgive you."

Beth fell with him as his knees buckled, the pair of them dropping to the floor. Bucky's arms snaked round her waist to return her embrace, his voice scratched and raw.

"I'm so sorry, Beth. I would never…"

His words failed, sobs tearing through his body as he finally let go of the pain. She held onto him like a lifeline, their tears mixing together until there were no more left to shed.

"I'm not ready yet." He breathed in her ear, scared to admit it in case she pushed him away.

Instead, she simply nodded, pulling back to smile forlornly at him. He didn't need to explain.

"I know. I've waited seventy years, I'm sure I can wait a while longer for you to come back to me."

This time it was Bucky who reached up to brush her hair off her face, exposing the coolness of her skin and with it, her lack of clothing. Modest, yet still only a simple shirt and shorts, her feet bare. The trembling he felt wasn't just from her emotions, he realised. Careful not to startle her, he looped his arms round her legs and stood, carrying them both back to the swing. She didn't react, more than grateful for the shelter from the rain, his body heat welcome as her mind finally registered how cold she was. He paused only when she reached for her gun, the last of his tension fading when she checked the safety was on and slipped it back into her waistband. Neither was willing to end the embrace, making it difficult for him to reach down to the abandoned blanket Beth had dropped. He lifted it, Beth groaning at the still-wet cocoa dripping down the fabric from the mug she'd knocked over.

"Damn it, Clint is going to kill me."

She felt the barest of chuckles vibrate in Bucky's chest and decided that for now, the blanket could just stay as it was. Still unsure if she was actually dreaming, she took the chance to curl herself into him further, a content sigh escaping when his arms tightened. They sat in silence until Beth's head rolled onto his shoulder, her breathing deep and even. He still wasn't ready to let her go, but the storm was moving on, giving way to the pre-dawn light, and he knew it wouldn't be long until the other occupants of the house would start to rise. He doubted he'd be a welcome visitor.

She stayed asleep as he carried her inside, placing her on the first sofa he found and hoping the owners wouldn't mind the water that would soak through the fabric. He found a clean blanket and draped it over her, barely resisting the urge to place his lips on her cheek when she snuggled into the material. He envied the strip of fabric, wishing it was him she curled in to, but he also knew that for now, he couldn't trust himself enough to be around her. He'd found some answers and gained so much when she'd forgiven him. He would hold onto that, until he became the man who deserved her once more.

"I promise, I will come back to you. I just need more time." He vowed, allowing himself to stroke a hand through her blonde waves.

He almost missed the the reflection of the arrow as he stood. He raised his arms, turning to find a man with dark eyes glaring at him. It wouldn't have been so intimidating if he wasn't now aiming the nocked bow at his face.

"I was just leaving." Bucky spoke, his voice calm.

"I see that."

The man's eyes flicked to Beth and back to Bucky. Bucky stepped to the side, allowing a clearer view to the sleeping woman with a soft smile on her face.

"I'm not here to hurt anybody. I just had to see her."

The brown eyes narrowed further, no one inch of give in the arm holding the bow.

"Sounds like you've hurt her plenty before. Enough for me to happily release this into your eye. Yeah, I figure she'd be pissed, but frankly, I care more about her not being destroyed again."

Anger, raw and primal, rose in Bucky's chest and he darted forward until the arrow was barely a centimetre from his eye.

"Then do it, because I can't think of a better way to make it up to her myself. If I'm no longer here, maybe she can finally find peace, but if you do hurt her by taking me down, I will find a way to haunt your every nightmare."

The bow finally lowered, shock registering in the archer's eyes.

"Jesus. You still love her."

Bucky glared, offended he would think anything different. If there was one thing he was certain of, it was his heart.

"It's only ever been her."

A groan sounded from the sofa, turning Clint's attention to Beth for just a second. The glance was brief, yet he turned back to find Bucky had vanished. Slumping on to the step, he blew out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding.

Beth woke a few hours later to the sun shining on her face. Removing the non-cocoa stained blanket, part of her was hurt Bucky hadn't stayed, but she understood his decision. She couldn't imagine Clint's reaction if he'd found out.

"Morning! Come get some pancakes!" Laura called out, noticing her friend waking up.

She grinned and joined them at the table, eager to attack the stack of pancakes. Once finished, she rose to take the plate to the sink, tuning in to the conversation with a smile as Clint explained to Lila why she wasn't allowed a boyfriend in the house until she was fifty.

"But daddy, what if he is really nice?"

He gave his daughter a stoic look, his words chosen carefully, with an indifference that had Laura wondering what her husband was up to, especially when she saw him sneak a look over at Beth.

"Honey, he could be the most protective and intimidating man on the planet, wielding a metal arm to keep you safe and I wouldn't let him in without pointing an arrow at his eye. Especially if he came in the middle of the night during a thunderstorm and spilt hot cocoa on my favourite blanket."

He was still laughing long after Laura forced him to clean up the remnants of the plate Beth dropped.


	18. A Matter of Dispute

_**May 21**_ _ **st**_ _ **, 2014- New York, USA**_

The journey home had been less than relaxing, with shouting children on the plane, to arguments from couples, and all Beth wanted was to crash in her bed as soon as she was back. Fate, as always, was no so favourable. She sighed as she entered the top floor of the Avenger's tower to the sound of raised voices. From the couch, Bruce waved at her, flashing an apologetic smile as he glanced back at the doors leading to Tony's lab. It was no surprise when Steve marched out a moment later, Tony's voice calling out after him.

"It's going to get you killed, Rogers, mark my words!"

Steve halted as his eyes landed on Beth and she gave him the smallest wave, grateful when he greeted her with a large smile and a hug, though she could tell his irritation towards Tony was still very much there.

"What was that about?" she asked, nodding towards the door that had slid shut behind him.

"Just Tony deciding for me that it isn't worth finding Bucky."

Annoyance still on his face, he stepped out onto one of the many balconies wrapped round the building, looking down at the city pulsating below him. Beth joined him, hair whipping around as the wind caught it. It wasn't quite cold enough to chill, but enough that she hugged her jacket a little tighter.

"He thinks Bucky is some mindless assassin and will kill us if we try to find him."

She snorted, rolling her eyes. Typical Tony. He'd changed in so many ways, yet stayed exactly the same in so many others.

"Yeah, well he hasn't killed me yet, so I guess we're safe."

She felt Steve stiffen next to her and froze, realising belatedly her error.

"You've seen him?" he asked, his voice hurt that she hadn't said anything.

Knowing it wasn't worth lying about, she nodded. She knew whatever she said was going to end badly, but she decided it was better to say now than have him find out later.

"I've seen him twice. The first time it was at the Captain America exhibit a few days after being discharged from the hospital. The second was three days ago, when he found me."

"You saw him, and didn't say anything."

She could hear the anger in his voice and flinched. He'd only used that tone with her a handful of times, and it never got easier to deal with.

"Yes. I guessed he may go to the exhibit and was lucky to find him there. We didn't talk much. I just told him we were there for him and he asked me not to tell anyone where he'd been. You know better than anyone that I'd do anything to protect him."

"But you lied to me Beth."

She leaned against the rail, hand clasping it until a twinge of pain jumped through her palm.

"I did it for Bucky. I didn't want to hide it, nor did I enjoy it. Besides, I technically didn't lie."

Steve's eyes narrowed and she almost regretted her words before remembering that she was strong enough to deal with his temper these days.

"Withholding something like that isn't lying, I agree. It's a betrayal of my trust. How could you do that to me?"

She could feel the metal beginning to strain under her grasp and released it, the blood flowing back into her hand a distraction. She was trying so hard to keep her cool, but Steve, Tony and Bucky had always been the only three people able to make her lose her cool so easily.

"He wasn't ready, Steve. He barely even recognised himself at the display. He said he needed space and wasn't ready to come back with us."

"Yet he was ready to track you down for a visit? Really sounds like he was needing space."

She frowned at the accusatory tone, understanding his perspective but not accepting his reaction. She looked up at him, sending him a look she hoped he would read as 'I'm not someone you can talk to like that'. He wanted a fight? She was more than happy to accept.

"He came to find me because he remembered raping me."

She pushed past Steve, her shoulder knocking him out of the way as his jaw dropped. She knew she was better staying to talk, but her anger was too great. She ignored both Tony and Bruce as they each tried to catch her attention, stopping only to take one of her guns from her bag and slide it into her waistband before leaving.

She was still seething even as she gazed across the lake at Central Park. Steve of all people should have understood why she'd kept information from him. He knew about protecting people you loved, et she also felt guilty for not telling him sooner. Whatever she did, she was going to hurt one of the men she loved, and she stood by her decision to side with Bucky, even as her heart clenched for hurting her own brother. As she made her way back to the tower, her phone vibrated, a text from Steve flashing up at her.

" _I'm sorry. Come back so we can talk? I have waffles and promise I won't yell anymore."_

A split second was all it took for her guard to drop. A blow from behind caught her off guard, her phone landing in the street before she had a chance to catch it. She was a little more preoccupied with the sharp stab in her side than her phone at that moment, especially when her head began to swim. An arm curled round her waist as she staggered, her weight slumping against a black jacket sporting a familiar logo that had her groaning.

"What does…HYDRA want…with…me?"

A van pulled up beside them and she was bundled in before she had chance to react. Even if she wanted to, her body was shutting down too fast for her to respond. The last thing she heard before passing out completely was a voice she didn't recognise speaking as he climbed in next to her.

"Got her, let's get her to Strucker."


End file.
